


What the Bluebirds sing

by Kima



Category: Final Fantasy IX
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, F/M, Gen, Happy Ending, References to Depression, Romance, Sacrifice, Self-Acceptance, split personality (kinda)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8162672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kima/pseuds/Kima
Summary: In the wake of Zidane's return to the Iifa Tree to save Kuja, two years have passed and he still hasn't returned. Garnet suffers from the loss, having succumbed to depression and not knowing what to do. But when he appears to her in Madain Sari, asking her for help, she is joined by Eiko and Mikoto on an adventure back to the Hills of Despair to face Necron once again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It is DONE.  
> Sweet Ramuh, I have spent what feels like ages on this fic. It started out with sad musings about the time Garnet spends waiting for Zidane to return and then morphed into this monster. It's by far the longest fic I have written (my original novels not included, that is) and of course it's for FF9... SIGH.
> 
> As for the fic itself, it obviously contains major spoilers for the game since it takes place two years after the events of it. Also, I've been refusing to accept Vivi's death for about 12 years now and I will happily continue to do so, thank you very much. So yeah, it might be a tiny bit different from canon but I'm pretty sure no one will be angry with me for leaving our favorite little black mage alive.
> 
> Title inspired by Novocaine by Fall Out Boy.

Insomnia has always been a companion to her. Ever since she can remember, Garnet has trouble falling asleep and none of the remedies people recommended to her have ever helped. Warm milk with honey, hot teas and baths, massages, meditation – nothing has ever helped calm her mind and her thoughts. Being on the road had changed that; sheer exhaustion has let her fall asleep the moment her head hit the makeshift pillow and after months spent wandering across the world and back, she could fall asleep anywhere and in any position, much like _he_ had right from the beginning.

But she isn’t on the road anymore. The girl who could fall asleep anywhere is no longer, has made room for a young queen helping a destroyed kingdom back to its former glory, signing peace treaties and trade agreements, smiling at nobles and hosting fancy dinners and suffering from insomnia because as exhausting as her life is now, it’s still nothing compared to trudging through deserts and swamps, fighting monsters and casting magic on an almost hourly basis.

The transition has been hard. But now, almost two years later, Garnet is pretty sure she should be over the worst. She’s left Dagger and all the pain clinging to her behind and is refusing to look back, instead facing every new day with determination. She keeps herself busy during the day, jokes with her ladies in waiting, smiles at knights and servants alike, goes dress shopping with Beatrix and doesn’t let herself think of this wondrous year she spent as Dagger. But when she’s back in her rooms, getting ready for sleep and putting on silken nightgowns, slipping under the covers and resting her heads on downy pillows, Dagger fights her way back to the surface. She’s always been a fighter.

She wonders if she’s going insane. Years ago, she embraced Dagger and accepted her as a part of herself but now her other persona seems to taunt her, a separate entity existing only in her head. Every night, she hears Dagger whispering and remembering, finds herself shedding tears into the pillows, tears she refuses to shed during the day. Garnet is the one in control during the day but nights belong to Dagger, keeping her awake and whispering, always whispering. Of things she wants to forget. Of words she refuses to remember. Of touches and smiles and the sun the memory of which she represses forcefully.

And so, her old companion called insomnia is with her again, even after that year that changed and shaped her in so many ways she isn’t sure anymore where Dagger begins and Garnet ends. They used to be one, united through a force of nature wrapped in human flesh, a star so bright it outshone even the sun so that she and her other companions found themselves orbiting it. But they’ve been ripped apart when the star turned into a gaping black hole and swallowed every light Dagger and Garnet have longed for; now, they’re apart. Garnet during the day and Dagger during the night, two sides of the same coin but never touching.

The two moons illuminate her bedroom with their cold light and she lies awake, blinking at the ceiling remembering a voice telling her that it had been an honor to kidnap her, a smile that lit up her entire world, blue eyes warm with affection and mischief. It’s been two years and by now, every attempt to find him has been fruitless. She has sent search parties and soldiers, adventurers and mercenaries, scientists and mages to look for him beneath the tangled black roots of what used to be the Iifa Tree, prayed to the Eidolons and every other god she has ever read about, pleaded to the moons to return the light to her life. But nobody has found even the slightest trace of him, as if he just vanished in much the same way he appeared in her life.

Sometimes, she thinks it’s all just been a crazy dream, that she never actually left the castle and went on an adventure so big the historians are still trying to put it down in the history books in the castle library. But not even her troubled mind could have dreamed up such a thing and she stares at the faint scars on her body (faded and pink against her pale skin like cherry blossoms on snow) in the mirror to make sure they’re still there whenever she starts to doubt. Her mirror image looks back at her with sad dark eyes and runs a hand through the black hair that has grown back just past her shoulders by now and whispers, “Where is the sun?”

Truth is, she doesn’t know. She has no idea where the sun has disappeared to and she curses herself for letting him go, for that last smile he gave her, for the memory of watching him get smaller and smaller as the airship took off until he disappeared from view like a dream in the morning. Dreams and memories, that’s all she has left. And as insomnia claims her once again, embracing her like an old friend, memories is what her fragile heart indulges in. Memories of warm days spent wandering across endless green fields, of rainy days spent in the swamp, of snowflakes on her nose and eyelashes while chasing down the jesters. Of the clattering and clanking of armor, of camp fires lighting up the night, of being surrounding by mist and monsters. Of distant singing during a sunset, of cool blue light making her feel small and weak, of blazing white power breaking from her body and engulfing her. She lies in the twilight of her room and remembers because that’s all she can do as Dagger grieves and Garnet looks away.

When she feels the familiar prickle of tears in her eyes, she gasps. It’s not that she likes torturing herself with the memory. It’s just that she doesn’t know what else to do. All her friends and companions are busy with their own lives – Freya is helping rebuild Burmecia, Amarant has disappeared to Ramuh knows where, Quina spends their entire day in the kitchens, Steiner has taken over as knight captain uniting the regular knights with the Knights of Pluto, Vivi is teaching the black mages and Eiko learns how to be a proper lady all the way over in Lindblum. She sees them sometimes; but it’s not the same as it used to be. Nothing is and she doesn’t know how to deal with it. The last time her life changed so drastically, he had been at her side. He had looked at her and held her hand and offered her that quiet smile that made her heart clench.

She’s all alone in the dark now while Garnet works herself to exhaustion and Dagger fights and she’s so desperately tired of it all. She imagines him sitting next to her and playing with the black hair spilling on her pillow, looking down at her with that expression like he can’t quite figure her out, like she’s a miracle he didn’t know he was waiting for.

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispers and he smiles a sad smile, shakes his head and sighs. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” His expression changes into the one she recognizes as his story time face, getting ready to tell her a tale he once heard or acted out on the stage or obscured enough to make others think he made it up when he’s actually recalling his own experience.

_Once upon a time…_ She can almost hear his voice. Almost. It lingers on the edge of her consciousness, somewhere between dream and memory and she sobs because she longs for it so much. Longs for quiet words whispered into her hair, longs for yells of her name and tired mumbles before sleep, for lewd jokes and a laughter so infectious even the corners of Amarant’s mouth had been twitching with amusement once. New tears spill from her eyes and his image flickers before it becomes more stable again and he reaches out to touch her cheek in a soothing gesture. Another sob wrecks her entire body because she can’t feel anything but the warm air of Alexandrian summer nights.

“Come back to me,” she pleads and he just looks at her with those blue eyes full of emotions she can’t even begin to decipher. “Why did you leave me? How am I supposed to live without you?” Tears fall on the pillow and the silky sheets and his expression gets sadder and sadder while he shakes his head, helplessness written across his features.

She wants to be angry with him, wants to hate him for leaving her. But she can’t, no matter how much she wants to. Instead, she misses him with very fiber of her being and her heart hurts, hurts, hurts while his image watches her cry herself to sleep and disappears into the moonlight, his lips moving with her name.

When she opens her eyes and finds herself back at Pinnacle Rocks, she knows it’s a dream even though she can’t remember ever having dreamed of a specific place so vividly except for the memories of escaping Madain Sari with her birth mother. She blinks while looking around because it’s so much cleaner and prettier than she remembers, filled with a soft white light and warm and safe.

**Summoner.** She frowns and turns around. She knows that voice, has heard it before but never like that – worried and sad. When she lays eyes upon the old man with the flowing white beard and the stormy grey eyes, energy rippling around him like his presence alone could ignite the air in a raging storm, she gasps; he’s leaning on his staff, looking weary and old, so incredibly old.

“Ramuh,” she gasps and makes a step towards him.

**Summoner.** His booming voice resounds in her heard even though his lips don’t move. The Eidolon looks at her with this piercing look, as if he can see right into her very being. **Do not tread the paths between dreams and life for it is dangerous. Many who wandered here never returned.**

“I’m not…,” she starts to protest but stops, biting her lower lip. She has no idea what she is doing, to be honest. She just knows that she has no energy to continue being Garnet while Dagger breaks apart at night, has no energy to pretend that she’s living and not simply existing.

**Your heart yearns and your soul calls for the one you love.** She flinches because no matter how true the words are, she doesn’t like acknowledging it. She has spent so much time not facing it that hearing the truth from another being now hurts, as if Ramuh has slapped her across the face. She looks away but that doesn’t make the Eidolon stop talking. **Continue down on this path and you will get lost in the tethers of memories. You know the place I speak of.**

She looks back at him, frowning. There is only one place she can think of and she doesn’t need to speak its name to see Ramuh nod.

**Memoria is no place for a fragile soul. Only the bravest souls may see this place again and emerge victorious.** She swallows painfully around the lump in her throat.

“So I’m not brave anymore?”

**There is no shame in fear, child. But we did not help you fight the Eternal Darkness to see you succumb to it now.**

Eternal Darkness? She shakes her head in confusion, about to open her mouth when Ramuh speaks again.

**You fought Necron and defeated it. But as long as there is life and light, there will be death and darkness. Necron and the Crystal, neither can exist without the other for life gives birth to death and death gives way for life. Summoner, do not give in to the darkness inside your heart for that way lies endless suffering.**

She bites her lip again, worries at it until she can taste blood on her tongue. She doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to explain that she has no strength to fight the darkness anymore. That she has been running away from it for so long that she has forgotten how to fight it. That the light in her life disappeared when _he_ disappeared from view and never returned.

**You need to fight it!** Ramuh’s voice is so loud that she flinches and stares at the Eidolon with wide and shocked eyes while Pinnacle Rocks starts to tremble around her as if an earth quake is rattling the very planet. Blackness creeps into her vision while the Eidolon continues speaking. **Do not give in to it! If you do, you will lose every part of yourself. You will suffer in endless agony, never finding peace or release. You will lose your summoning and everything you ever learned and loved. Remember who you are. Fight!**

The last word is so loud, it seems to thunder through her body, shaking every cell and her very core. She gasps for air and finds it filled with electricity and the crackle of power, ripping through the shreds of reality and the darkness that has started to engulf everything around her and before she realizes what happened, she’s sitting upright in her bed, panting and drenched in sweat. Her fingers reach for the pendant, grabbing it so tightly that the sharper edges start to hurt her palm but the pain brings her back from the edge of the panic that threatens to boil over. Slowly, her breathing gets more even and she stops feeling like she’s drowning. She runs a hand through her damp hair, brushing away the strands plastered across her forehead, and takes a deep breath before closing her eyes for a moment. When she blinks them open again, she registers that it must be early morning; her bedroom is filled with the grey light of morning, the sun not having left the horizon yet.

She cannot remember falling asleep but knows that she must have because her eyes feel swollen from shed tears and she just woke up from the most vivid dream she has ever experienced. It feels surreal to be sitting here after such an experience. She shivers as she remembers the darkness reaching out for her and Ramuh telling her to fight. Heaving a sigh, she shakes her head slowly. The Eidolon’s words scare her; she knows she is losing herself but she didn’t have any idea how bad it really is.

She gets out of bed with another sigh, looking at the mess she made out of the sheets and the pillows – everything is askew and she almost feels guilty for making the servants clean it up every night. Silently, she wonders if they talk about her, about how their queen smiles without it reaching her eyes, how she speaks but never talks, how messed up the sheets are every night. She decides that maybe, she’s better off not knowing; it will only add to the darkness lurking in her heart, mind and soul. Brushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear, she turns to the windows and walks over to them, her bare feet cold against the marble floor when she steps off the carpet. How much time has passed since she has seen a sunrise?

She opens the window with some effort, feeling weak all of a sudden. Has it always been so hard to open them? Or have the hinges simply rusted over with misuse and she hasn’t noticed? She blinks at the flock of pigeons setting into flight as soon as she opens the window and breathes in the crisp morning air.

Her kingdom is still asleep. She can see the city below her window, surrounding the castle like a mother gently hugging her child, can make out the chimneys and the dark figures of stray cats. A smile touches her lips and she breathes in again, exhaling slowly and turning hear head eastwards. The sky slowly turns from grey to a warm gold and red, tinged with orange and so many other colors. She knows that the crystal sword-like tower of the castle is reflecting the gold and red and that this is what wakes up Alexandria’s citizens and not the actual sun that rises with a last parting kiss to the horizon and announces the breaking of a new day.

The usual noises of a bustling town start reaching her ears soon enough, carried over the big lake by the gently blowing summer breeze that’s ruffling her hair and the curtains alike. School bells are ringing and the market starts filling up with people, shapes moving through the streets as the morning rolls in and people continue their lives. She watches it all in silent wonder, as if she’s seeing it for the first time.

And somewhere, in the back of her mind, Dagger steps close to Garnet and carefully takes her hand, wrapping their fingers together. _It’s time to stop running away_ , the fighter seems to whisper and the queen looks at her with surprise before nodding softly and smiling a little.

Wrapped in morning light and the summer breeze, Garnet til Alexandros XVII alias Dagger smiles a soft, genuine smile and breathes.

 

* * *

 

 

Madain Sari is even more silent than she remembers it, now that the moogles are all gone, having followed Eiko to Lindblum and taking up permanent residence in the guest rooms, driving servants and cooks alike to madness with their constant chirping and chattering and demands of foreign nuts and berries. The click of her heels echoes through the ruins but it doesn’t scare her like it used to back when she came here for the first time. She finds solace in the silence, sees it filled with peace instead of pain once more. It will never return to its former glory but that is the way of things; nothing is permanent. Not even the one she loves.

Dagger shakes her head a little, chasing away the thought. There is no sense in thinking about him like that; she knows he is gone. And now, she has to find her peace again, much like the summoners’ village has. Maybe that’s why she came here; to be honest, she didn’t really think when she left the castle in a hurry, before anybody could wake and chatter around her (her ladies in waiting) or follow her around like a living shadow (Beatrix) or ask her a myriad of questions she cannot deal with at the moment (Steiner). Running away may not have been the smartest idea but she has left a note this time, explaining that she needed some time to herself. She knows that Beatrix will worry and Steiner will throw a fit but right now, she cannot care about that. She may have decided not to run away anymore but she knows that she won’t find her peace in the confines of Alexandria and all it reminds her of. Maybe she will never be able to shake off the memories of watching Alexander shatter around her and falling to her death while her vision blurred with hot tears. For now, she needs to get away from the kingdom and the castle and her responsibilities as a queen because she needs to rediscover herself. She recalls reading about grief once and that it comes in stages; for the past two years, she was torn between denial and sadness, drowning in anger and bartering with every force in the universe – it’s time to start healing, to accept what happened. And she knows that this can’t be done in the castle where her past clashes with her present.

So Garnet willingly stays behind while Dagger ventures out to find what has been lost to both of them. Or at least accept that it’s gone and finally let it go.

A strand of hair has slipped out of her ponytail and she brushes it back over her ear, still getting used to the new hairstyle. She usually wears her hair in a bun or a braid these days, now that it’s finally long enough to braid it again or pin it up; but she’s on the road and she’s alone and she never did get the hang out of making her own hair, too used to having handmaidens do it for her. She can’t go back to the loose ponytail she usually wore during their adventure because her hair is simply not long enough for it yet and refuses to stay pinned back, so the ponytail at the back of her head is really the only option. It’s new but it makes her feel a little better, like she has gotten some control back – even if it’s just over her hair.

The staff in her hand feels strange, heavy after years of lying underneath her bed, shoved there in a fit of tears and anger. It’s late afternoon and the air is sizzling hot, so she’s starting to sweat in her light blouse and corset and the pants she has found in her wardrobe, buried under a white dress and a dagger she forgot to return because he had gotten a new one and never asked for this one back. This very dagger is strapped to a belt on her hip and is an unfamiliar weight but oh so welcome in giving her the feeling of carrying a part of him with her. Sometimes she thinks she can see his image flickering between the ruins but it disappears after a blink so she takes it as not being used to the heat of the Outer Continent anymore and continues on her way through the destroyed village.

It feels good to be on her way. In the past two years, she has never realized just how much she missed the sun burning down on her, whirling up dust with every step and enjoying the wind in her face while piloting an airship. Uncle Cid has been kind to her, building her a small one-man airship for her 17th birthday. He had been sure she would need it one day and here she is, having piloted it away from Alexandria and to the village she was born in. She resolves to thank him when she comes back home; for now, she is free to go where she pleases and will enjoy it.

Her feet lead her back to the Eidolon wall and she is suddenly hit by a wave of memories of seeing it ablaze with fire and then with the light of the setting sun. She blinks, returning to the present, and looks up at the sky that is already starting to change from its usual blue to a pink-red-violet mix of colors that is painting the Eidolon wall a vibrant shed of red. Absently patting the dagger on her hip, she steps inside and gently touches the warm stone, a smile on her lips. How many summoners have been here before, how many have prayed and touched these walls? In 500 years, how many people have these walls seen come and go, disappearing into the flow of souls and memories?

Lost in thought as she is, she doesn’t notice the pitter-patter of footsteps, doesn’t hear the far-off chirp of a moogle.

“Dagger!” She whirls around, gaping at the person that has appeared in the entrance of the Eidolon wall.

“E… Eiko?” She can’t quite believe her eyes, blinking somewhat stupidly at the little girl who is, in fact, not that little anymore. Eight years old and with green eyes blazing with energy and a fire that Dagger didn’t think she’d see again, the heiress of Lindblum stares back at her, hands of her slim hips, a moogle by her side and wearing a scowl that rivals Amarant’s.

“Who else would it be, silly?” Eiko replies and huffs. “Did the sun already fry your head?”

Dagger stares for a moment longer before a surprised laugh escapes her. She’s not used to Eiko’s rudeness anymore, hasn’t seen her often enough to still be familiar with it.

It’s delightful.

She steps forward and wraps the younger girl in a hug, not listening to the child’s mumbled half-furious protests because a second later, thin arms wrap around her middle and she can hear Eiko grumbling into her blouse. Not being able to make out words, Dagger lets go of her again and is about to lean down out of sheer muscle memory when she notices that no, she doesn’t have to do that anymore. Eiko has grown so much and Dagger had been too lost within her own mind to notice.

“What are you doing here?” she asks and has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from chuckling when Eiko’s expression morphs into a pout.

“You stopped writing!” the girl complains. “And I kept having dreams about you! And last night, the Eidolons told me to come home so I did. I could feel your parts of the crystal, you know?” Self-conscious, Dagger reaches for her pendant again and cringes a little.

“I’ve… I don’t…” She stops and shakes her head. “It’s been difficult.”

“Like I don’t know!” Dagger flinches, not having been yelled at in years. Eiko’s voice resonates throughout the sacred Eidolon wall and makes it seem even louder and more forceful. “It’s been tough for all of us!” She looks away in shame, not knowing what to say. Missing the softening of Eiko’s expression, she gasps in surprise when the younger girl touches her arm carefully and adds, a lot quieter and softer, “You could have just said something. I would have come. I would’ve listened. But you never said anything when I asked. So I, I thought… maybe you forgot him.”

Dagger looks up in shock because how, how could she ever forget him?

“Never,” she whispers with a lot more force than necessary. Eiko looks at her, green eyes big, and nods slowly.

“Okay.” And just like that, the argument is over. Dagger exhales a breath she didn’t know she was holding and relaxes a little, leaning against the warm rocks again. In the corner of her eye, at the very edge of her vision and consciousness, his image flickers into view, a grin on his lips and watching the two of them with a mix of fondness and longing.

 “I don’t know why I came here,” Dagger admits after a while when the setting sun has painted the sky violet and magenta and pink and orange, tinged with dark blue. “I had a dream and somehow, it… felt right to return here. I needed to clear my head, I think.” Eiko looks at her, the green eyes as piercing and attentive as ever.

“Did it work?”

“… I’m not sure.” She looks back at the murals, lets her eyes wander over the familiar paintings and figures. “There’s… It’s like I keep seeing him lately. I know it’s not real, I know it can’t be him and yet…” His image looks at her with a very strange expression that she can’t decipher; in the past years, she has forgotten how to read his face. Eiko makes a little thoughtful noise and looks over to where his image is still flickering in the dying light of the day, as if she is able to see him too.

“I get the feeling he’s near, sometimes,” the child admits and Dagger looks at her, realizing for the first time in years that that’s really all Eiko is – a child. Strong and loud and brave and wise beyond her years but still just a child who has seen too much death and destruction for her age. “Like he’s watching over us, you know?”

“Yes.” It’s not a lie because that’s the same feeling she has since she allowed herself to think about him again. His image keeps appearing and it’s like he’s watching her from wherever he is, still caring about what he left behind when he left. “Do you think the others feel it too?”

Eiko thinks for a while and shakes her head. “I don’t think so.” That’s what Dagger has been thinking, too. It feels good to have her opinion validated.

“Then why us?” Despite being the older one, Dagger still looks at Eiko for guidance. The heiress of Lindblum doesn’t look at her, still focused on the spot where his image is standing but rapidly fading.

“I think it’s because we’re summoners.” The girl’s voice is quiet but solemn. “Our people have always been close to the Other Side.” Dagger hums thoughtfully just as his image finally disappears with the last light of the day. She can feel the cold of the night creeping into the alcove; as blazing hot as the sun is during the day, nights on the Outer Continent are cold. She shivers a little, missing the warmth already, and says,

“We should go back to your house and get ready for the night. You know how cold it gets.”

“Yeah,” Eiko says but makes no move. Dagger frowns and opens her mouth because the girl is still fixated on the spot his image has stood in. But the little summoner seems so lost in thought that the queen trades a look with the moogle who just shrugs at her. She can’t keep them apart, never could the way Eiko does it with the practiced ease of somebody who grew up surrounded by the furry white creatures.

“No idea, kupo!” it chirps at her and she frowns some more. What in Ramuh’s name…?

Eiko starts walking so suddenly, Dagger makes a noise of surprise. She watches the little girl crouch down where he was standing just minutes ago and touch the floor, the expression on her face obscured by the shadows already creeping over the wall. Following the little girl, Dagger kneels down next to her and watches her run her hands over the jagged edges of the stones under them, seemingly searching for something.

“Eiko?”

“I felt him again,” the little summoner answers, her voice nothing but a whisper in the looming twilight. “Right over here, it’s like he was _watching_ us…” Dagger stares at her. So it’s true? She’s not the only one who sees him?

“I… I saw him too,” she admits with some hesitation. “I think he followed me here.” Eiko looks up at her with so much determination that Dagger feels young and small.

“There’s something here. There has to be. If we both came back here and he came with us…” Dagger bites her lip but nods. She wants to believe that he’s real. That she isn’t just losing her mind from grief of losing him. That somehow, he has found a way to reach out to her from wherever he went. She wants to believe because after all this time, faith is all she has left. Faith and memories and she doesn’t know which one is more painful as she clings to both of them.

Dagger looks at the ground, traces some of the stones with a fingertip. Warm stones in the cooling night air, nothing special about them – except for the faint remnants of _something_ that seems to cling to the atmosphere. She can feel it just the way Eiko does, united in their heritage as the last summoners Gaia has. Something around them shifts, just so, and suddenly she feels like there is a warm presence right by her side, gently touching her shoulder.

She freezes, doesn’t need to turn her head to know it’s _him_ , that he’s there and real and tangible in the light of the rising moons for some reason the Eidolons only know. Her heartbeat quickens, fluttering like the bird she always felt like and whose cage he opened with a smile and a wink, and she knows she’s trembling but there’s nothing she can do about it. She blows a breath against a strand of hair that slipped from her ponytail, too scared to move or say something, too afraid he’ll disappear again and she will lose this warmth, this radiance she has missed so dearly.

Soft whispering in the back of her mind and she can’t make out words, no matter how much she tries. But there’s a soft feeling of understanding and a squeeze of her shoulder as something brushes her soul and a voice resonates through the very core of her being, that same spot where she always feels the presence of her Eidolons.

_I don’t have much time. Don’t ask questions, just listen. I’m trapped – Kuja and I both are. I can’t… he’s too weak, I can’t do anything. Dagger. We need you to come find us. You are the only one I trust with this. Come find us. I… I’m running out of time, I can’t… Dagger…_

She gasps for air as his voice fades away into nothingness and silence. Hot tears are prickling in her eyes and she can feel them on her cheeks, leaving salty traces burning on her skin. The warm presence by her side disappears and she can hear a muffled sob. It takes her a moment to realize that it’s not her own and she finally looks up into Eiko’s wide eyes, full with the same tears she’s shedding herself.

“It’s… it’s really… _him_ ,” Eiko whispers, her voice shaky with emotion. Garnet swallows and nods, still unable to form any coherent thought, much less words. The younger summoner sniffs and wipes her nose with a sleeve (never the lady she’s supposed to be, always the wild child that grew up with moogles in the ruins of a forgotten culture), her eyes steadily filling up with determination and fire, full of the same vibrant energy Garnet can’t seem to muster anymore.

“We gotta help him!” Eiko’s voice isn’t a whisper anymore, but full of strength and excitement. “Dagger! You heard it yourself, he needs us! We gotta help!!” Garnet swallows again and opens her mouth to say something but there aren’t any words, just longing and pain and the fading warmth of touches missed so dearly. She can’t say anything, muted by too many emotions and the turmoil that is her mind, too much too soon after so long without the radiant presence that rescued her so many times. It’s too much and she’s drowning, can’t breathe, she can’t move or talk, it’s too much and she’s falling again, rubble and dust whirling up around her, a crackling of power and the buzzing noise in her ears and he’s not there to save her this time…

“Hey!” A sharp snap right in front of her face makes Garnet snap out of it and she gasps again, greedily breathing in air as she blinks at Eiko, not understanding what happened. The little girl, however, seems to understand just fine. Her expression is one of determined anger, so fierce and bright that it shocks her right out of her stupor. “Don’t get lost in your head again, Dagger! We don’t have time for this, this isn’t like last time okay? Stay with me!”

Dagger blinks and nods, too overwhelmed to speak just yet. Then she swallows around the lump in her throat and croaks,

“I-I’m not going anywhere. Don’t worry.” Eiko narrows her eyes but believes her. The younger summoner gets back on her feet and holds out a hand for the older girl to help her stand too. Dagger takes it, grateful for and touched by her young friend’s strength and support, and stands up, looks around the Eidolon wall as if she’s seeing it for the first time.

“You’re right,” she hears herself say, voice still a little shaky. “We need to go help him…”

“Right now, you need to get some sleep,” Eiko counters, hands on her hips and shaking her head. “You look like you saw a ghost! We’re not going anywhere until you get some rest.” Dagger smiles despite herself and wonders, not for the first time, who actually is the older one. It’s so easy to forget that she is the one who’s ten years older when Eiko acts like an adult…

She takes a breath to collect her scattered thoughts and nods again. She can’t argue with the fact that she’s still trembling slightly and needs to recover. Somehow, she also has the feeling that she will fall asleep easier tonight – for the first time in years, she won’t be alone, after all. Eiko eyes her, not quite trusting her sudden recovery, but then takes her hand, leading her out of the sacred place. The moogle chirps in worry and flutters after them, perching on Dagger’s head when it gets too tired to fly any further. She lifts her free hand and pats it absently, not quite accustomed to the weight on her head; in fact, it feels like she’s wearing a rather heavy hat, like the ones that are currently the latest fashion from Treno. Eiko glances up at her and snickers and Dagger feels her own lips twitch into a smile. She can only imagine how silly she looks.

They make their way back to Eiko’s house, following the familiar road in the light of the twin moons. Dagger helps Eiko scrounge up some blankets – dusty and worn with age and use but still warm enough – and they build a little nest in the corner of Eiko’s old bedroom. The moogle flutters around them, chirping in excitement over being home and Dagger finds herself smiling a little, despite the shock of what has happened. It feels all too familiar and she feels at ease like she never quite did at Alexandria castle. When she curls up with Eiko, hugging the younger girl to her chest and humming their song softly, listening to her breathing evening out, Dagger almost can believe she’s back on the road, can almost hear Steiner’s snores and Freya’s wheezing breaths, Vivi’s sleeptalking and Quina’s quiet drooling (even hungry in their sleep, it seemed), Amarant’s low breathing and _him_ , sleeping with his mouth open in a way that has never been attractive, snoring softly and sometimes even drooling a little, starfished out on his bedroll like he didn’t have anything to worry about. Her heart aches at the memory but it’s a different ache than it was before; it feels like healing. Dagger sighs quietly and hugs Eiko a little tighter as she closes her eyes and wishes him a good night, wherever he is.

 

* * *

 

 

They leave for Black Mage Village the next day. It’s strange to be on the road again, especially with just the two of them piloting their little airships that will always remind her of the Black Waltz Nr. 3, even though she knows that this is newer technology and not at all affiliated with the foul creature that the evil jesters had built. Dagger has never been made for piloting, she learned that the day they crashed through South Gate with the cargo ship (a funny story in hindsight but a terrifying experience for a young princess who had needed some time to get over her newly developed fear of flying), but she thinks she isn’t doing badly by now though of course she will never be a born child of the winds like Eiko.

Their destination has been agreed over breakfast – berries the moogle found and their meager travel provisions with fresh water from the spring near the house. Eiko has proposed to go back to Lindblum and research in Regent Cid’s extensive library but Dagger has no intention to return anywhere an authority figure of hers might be; and really, they don’t know enough to start a proper research. All they know is that he is trapped somewhere with the man who tried to kill them all on multiple occasions and then tried to obliterate life itself – to be completely honest, Dagger doesn’t want to do anything that could somehow save her mother’s murderer. But this isn’t about Kuja. It’s about helping the love of her life, about even the slightest possibility of him returning to her arms. And the only one who knows enough about him and why he is the way he is lives in Black Mage Village, together with the other Genomes.

So Black Mage Village it is and really, it’s not half bad as far as plans go. Technically, it’s more than they had two years ago; at least this time, they know where they’re going, don’t get lost in the dead woods around the village and don’t spend hours trying to figure out the illusion surrounding it. Instead, they land a little outside the village where somebody has cleared out enough of the woods to make room for more houses that are yet to be built – an ideal landing site, really. Dagger’s legs are shaking only slightly when she gets off her ship and looks around, trying to see the village she remembers in the bustling little town she sees now.

Two years ago, the village was full of lost Black Mages and empty Genomes, trying to learn from each other, teaching each other the bits and pieces they knew about life. She remembers empty blue eyes widening in surprise at the heat of fire and glowing yellow dots lighting up with joy at the sight of a newborn chocobo and an overall melody of sorrow and healing just beginning to touch the hearts of the creatures gathered here. Now, the village square is full of playing children and the sounds of laughter (booming and deep for the Mages, light and quiet for the Genomes) reach her ears as figures play with each other and a chocobo cheeps happily. The air seems lighter, somehow, not as loaded with pain and sadness as it used to be. But she also can’t help but notice that there are less Mages there now, their numbers dwindling as their life time runs out; dread rises in her mouth like bile as she thinks of how big the graveyard has to be now.

It doesn’t seem to faze Eiko. She hops off her airship with practiced ease, the moogle right beside her as they run over to the playing children and the chocobo. Garnet blinks after them in stunned surprise before she follows at a slower pace, mindful of the fact that she is, after all, a stranger here. She hasn’t left Alexandria since the Hilda Garde 3 took them back after they escaped Memoria; once, she may have been a familiar face, but no longer.

The children barely spare her a glance, too happy to see Eiko and a new moogle to play with. Garnet steps closer to one of the huts, watches them play tag and smiles because that is what Eiko should be doing, really. Not tag along with her on a strange mission to soothe her own mind but play with children her age, enjoy life, laugh and smile. It’s surreal to know that this little girl, no more than six years old at the time, has helped them save the world, more like something out of the novels she used to read than reality. But she knows for a fact that it’s true, has spent too many nights awake with Eiko at her side healing wounds and cuts and bruises that their companions collected during the days.

 Lost in thought once again – she does it so much that she hardly realizes it anymore – she doesn’t notice the approaching person until they speak, too close to her ear and still no real concept of personal space.

“I have not seen you in a long time. Why have you come?” She starts and makes a step back, staring into the deep blue of a Genome’s eyes. For a moment all she sees is _his_ face but then she blinks and realizes that the bangs are cut differently, the eyes are wider and bigger, the skin paler and the hair not the familiar shade of gold but more like sand at the beach.

“Mikoto,” she breathes as she finally recognizes the Genome. “Sweet Ramuh, I…”

“That is my name, yes,” the Genome replies, her voice still weirdly void of any emotion even though Garnet knows for a fact that she is capable of them. “Why have you come?”

Dagger isn’t quite sure if she should be offended by the question. It’s not any of Mikoto’s business what she does with her time, she is a queen and will do as she pleases! A scowl starts to form on her face as she huffs out some air but then she reminds herself that it may not be the wisest step to antagonize the one person she came here to talk to. Not willing to breach the subject just yet, she shrugs a little and looks back at the playing children.

“I wanted to see Vivi.” It’s a lie but not completely. Now that she’s here, she really wants to see him. It’s been so long…

“He has left the village yesterday,” Mikoto says, still staring at her with those unnervingly blue eyes the same shade as his. “He took some of the Mages. They wanted to go to Conde Petie.” For provisions, Dagger guesses, and maybe fabrics and tools.

“I see.” Conversations between them have always been stunted. Not that they have had many of them, there hadn’t been any time for that back then. But some part of her has never forgiven Mikoto and Garland for almost breaking the person she has believed in the most, whose light has always been there to light her path, even through the darkest hours of her life. She remembers his pale and tired face all too well, will never forget the dark circles under his eyes as his world shattered beneath his feet and left him in a state so horrible he hardly seemed himself, lost in pain and the newly gained knowledge of his purpose. Rationally, she knows that Mikoto is innocent, that she was but another tool to Garland for achieving his plans. But Dagger isn’t a very rational person – not like Garnet. So she continues to hold a grudge against the person the love of her life considers his sister.

“Why are you really here?” Dagger sends a quick prayer for patience to the Eidolons before she looks at the Genome who is still scrutinizing her with those eyes. The eyes have to be the most infuriating thing about Mikoto, she thinks. Too blue and too much like his, set into the wrong face and the wrong person.

“… I need to talk to you,” she finally admits with an exasperated huff. “It’s about… about him.”

“I know,” Mikoto replies simply, her face still void of emotion. “I have been waiting for you. Their time is running out.” Dagger turns her head sharply, narrows her eyes.

“How do you know that?” Mikoto looks at her in mild surprise.

“I am like them. Our souls are connected, much like yours is with the other summoner.” She shrugs and cocks her head to the side, reminding Dagger of the cat her mother used to have a few years ago. “I have waited for you to come here.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier if you knew?” Her voice is rising in volume as she doesn’t even try to reign in her anger. “Why wait while I… while we mourned him and thought him dead?”

“You would not have believed me. Not until you heard it from him. It is no surprise it has taken him so long to figure out how to contact you.” The pretentiousness! Dagger opens her mouth, ready to yell at this infuriating person, far too much like her mother’s ghastly cat, to let out all the pent-up anger she has never dared to air. Instead, she chokes on the words threatening to spill from her lips and just slaps Mikoto as hard as she can. The Genome’s face finally moves as her cheek lights up a fiery red and her eyes fill with tears at the sudden and unexpected pain. Dagger can hear her ragged breathing, shocked, as she slowly lifts a hand to touch the flaming red skin. The blue eyes look at her, hurt and confused and _finally_ not at all like his, as she clenches her fists and her jaw.

“If he dies,” Dagger’s voice is nothing but a dangerous whisper, “I will never forgive you.” Mikoto blinks, a couple of tears slipping from her eyes.

“I only…”

“I don’t care,” Dagger spits, the anger still boiling inside her like the molten lava in the prison cells of Kuja’s Desert Palace. “You _knew_ and you risked his life by not telling anybody. We _mourned_ while you knew he was alive all along and didn’t do anything to help him! He’s your brother! They both are, dammit! How could you just sit here and wait while they’re trapped Ramuh knows where? They could be dying!” She’s shaking like a leaf by the time she stops yelling. The entire village square has fallen silent and is watching them with wide eyes and suddenly, she feels self-conscious. She’s a queen; she shouldn’t raise her voice or use violence to settle an argument. Garnet sighs quietly and is about to apologize when Mikoto suddenly nods and says,

“You… you are right. I am sorry. I did not… not think.” Her voice has changed. It’s not the breathy one full of arrogant ignorance but sounds more like the teenager she actually is. Dagger closes her mouth and looks at the Genome for a long moment before she nods too.

“No, you didn’t,” she admonishes. “But it can’t be changed now.” She sighs, her fury suddenly gone. “Will you help me? Help _him_?” Mikoto looks at her with wide eyes, her hand still on her cheek, her lower lip wobbling a little as she worries at it. Dagger looks back and sees, for the first time, the girl created the same way he was but who, unlike him, never had the opportunity to learn about love and compassion and warmth and light and friendship and loyalty. And then Mikoto nods, a fire lighting up in her blue eyes that makes her seem more alive, somehow.

“I will,” she promises.

It’s this moment that Eiko chooses to walk over to them with a frown.

“What the heck was _that_?” she demands to know and both Mikoto and Garnet turn to her, unsure of what to say. She squints at them, hands on her hips but before either one of them can answer, the moogle sitting on the chocobo’s head suddenly topples over with a faint squeak because it leaned forward too much in its curiosity, startling both the bird and the children who recover much faster than their excited feathered friend and start laughing. Eiko turns around with an expression caught between confusion and anger and suddenly, Garnet can’t help herself. Laughter bubbles out of her for what feels like the first time in years and maybe, it really is. She can’t remember when she last laughed and much less laughed this hard even though the situation isn’t that funny. She might be hysterical. She has to be after all these revelations and maybe, just maybe, this is part of healing too. Laughing so hard she doubles over, holding her belly until tears spill from her eyes and she’s half sobbing, half laughing.

When she finally is able to stop, still hiccupping from the fit of laughter that came out of nowhere, her cheeks wet from tears but feeling lighter, somehow, Eiko is staring at her – as are the children, the moogle and Mikoto.

“Okay, you’ve officially lost your Kupo nuts,” the younger summoner declares, igniting a new bout of giggles.

“I-I’m sorry,” Garnet hiccups between tiny giggles. “I-I don’t… know what c-came over me…”

“You need tea,” Mikoto suddenly says. “It calms the nerves.” The entire situation is so surreal that she breaks out into uncontrollable laughter again and doesn’t stop until EIko and Mikoto have forced her down on a chair inside the hut Mikoto calls her own, a steaming mug of herb tea in her hands.

“Drink,” Mikoto commands calmly and Garnet – Garnet does. She takes a sip, nearly burning her tongue, then another and another and finally, she feels like she’s able to breathe again. Her belly hurts from the unexpected outbreak of giggles but it’s a good hurt, igniting memories of nights spent on quiet grassy plains with ghost stories and jokes and infectious laughter. She drinks the tea in silence until the mug is empty, then she sets it down on the tiny table and looks at the two other girls in the room.

“Feeling better?” Eiko asks and doesn’t specify what she means. But then, maybe she knows. Maybe they both know what came over her even if she herself doesn’t.

Garnet nods and smiles a bit.

“Yes. Thank you.” Mikoto looks at her with these eyes that are just the wrong shade of blue but filled with the same spark of wonder, even if it is much duller. She’d recognize that spark anywhere.

“You looked like him, for a moment,” she observes and Garnet jolts, stares at her.

“What?”

“There was this air about you,” the genome explains and, as usual, explains nothing at all.

“Mikoto, we talked about this,” Eiko chimes in. “Use your people words.” The genome shoots her an indignant look but takes a breath and tries again.

“Sometimes, the Other Side blurs. Souls trapped there can pass here during these moments – I believe that is what happened. The air around you shifted and there he was. I believe he was comforting you.”

Garnet stares. She can’t help it. Absurdly, she suddenly notices how neither of them use his name, as if saying it out loud makes his absence real. Eiko, on the other hand, looks thoughtful.

“He said he’s trapped, too. What does it even mean? He’s not dead, he can’t be on the Other Side.” She pauses, looking between the genome and the queen. “Can he?” Mikoto shakes her head a little.

“It is not that easy,” she says. “When Memoria collapsed, when Terra shattered and the Iifa Tree started dying… dimensions and planes have shifted. I did not notice it at first. But then, I thought I had heard his voice… so I came to investigate. Lesser beings would not notice it but… the Iifa Tree’s death has ripped something in the veil between worlds. There, in that spot, dimensions have shifted and become tangled and… I cannot say for sure but I believe that they both are trapped in this tangle.” Garnet can feel the cold shiver of dread running down her spine and what feels like miles and miles of goosebumps.

“So he _is_ alive?” she whispers, not believing her own ears. Mikoto cocks her head thoughtfully, suddenly looking like a puppy.

“Yes and no. It is complicated. Garland used to study the dimensions and their shifts but never in his wildest dreams…” She trails off before raising her eyes to meet Garnet’s. “The rift has been growing in the past two years. Slowly, but gradually. Given enough time, it will consume this world if it is not stopped.”

“Then why didn’t you?” Dagger bristles again, her anger returning with the force of a thousand suns. “If you knew all this was happening, if you knew…!”

“Because I do not possess the power to do so,” Mikoto interrupts her calmly. “When Terra collapsed and the genomes came here, I lost the powers Garland had given me upon birth. I have been working at getting them back with the help of the Black Mages and Vivi and even Eiko but it will take years until I am strong enough. By then, it will be much harder to close the rift.”

“You could have said something, you giant numpty,” Eiko grouches and glares. Mikoto nods.

“I could have,” she agrees. “But you would not have believed me. His appearance in this world was the catalyst for many things even back then – without him appearing to you again, you two would not have come to seek me out. All three of us will be needed now. In a year or two – I cannot say. It might be impossible by then.”

Dagger huffs out a breath, remembering why she never particularly liked Mikoto. She tries to recall what he saw in that insolent child, that arrogant person, and sees the wonder in his face again when he realized that this girl is his sister. He was always a better person than her – no doubt he would not have left the castle but would have tried to convince Brahne all by himself. Garnet blinks and stops that particular train of thought. No. Now is not the time for this.

“So what now?” Eiko asks and speaks for both of them. Dagger focuses on the present again, on the girl he called sister.

“Simple,” Mikoto says, looking unfazed when facing two upset summoners. “We close the rift and rescue both of them.”

 

* * *

 

 

It is everything but simple, she knows that. They all do but neither of them acknowledges it as they prepare for a journey, wandering through the village to gather supplies and food. She watches Mikoto collect a small jewelry box from one of the Genomes and catches glimpse of an eerie blue glow inside that reminds her of the cool, unwelcoming and stagnant air of Terra, of not being able to breathe as memories come flooding into her mind. In the time it takes her to shake her head to chase off the unwanted reminders of what has been, Mikoto has already put the box away, hidden inside a small cloth bag. She doesn’t ask what the box is for – the blue glow inside speaks for itself, is as much part of Terra as the Genomes and maybe even more so. Garnet knows so without having to take a second look at whatever is inside, the eidolons inside her mind brim with tension and that same daunting feeling that hasn’t left her the entire time they had been on Terra. She shudders as Mikoto continues her path through the village, seemingly intent on visiting every Genome and speaking quietly to every one of them, in low tones and hushed whispers as if afraid that someone might overhear.

Mikoto hasn’t told them much; as it is, they are to travel to the Iifa Tree and enter the rift themselves – and then seal it from both inside and then outside. How that is supposed to work, she doesn’t know. Maybe she also doesn’t want to know; too many unanswered questions, too many what ifs and hopefullys and not enough set in stone or certain. Maybe nothing will come out of it, maybe they will all die or get trapped right alongside him or lost forever in the rift between worlds, caught up in the greedy hands of Necron. But it is the only thing they can do right now, that Dagger can do, and she needs to do something, desperately so, to get rid of the emptiness and the ache in her heart and head and soul. She needs to do something so Garnet and Dagger can become one person again, so she can feel whole and… so her sun can return into her life once more. Without it, she is just a cold rock lost in space with a hole where her heart used to be.

She wants, needs, yearns to find both herself and him.

An old song, originated from Burmecia, suddenly comes to her mind as she slowly trails through the village after Mikoto – about a maiden whose love was lost during the war. And instead of waiting for his return, the maiden had sold her belongings and wandered the world until she found him, bloody and bruised and broken on the battlefield, alive long enough only to see her face once again. She has always loved this song but suddenly, it feels too real and too raw and she desperately wishes that she won’t become that maiden, to find her love only to lose him again. Garnet trembles but Dagger clenches her fists and shakes her head. No. She refuses to follow the same fate, refuses to give up before she even started.

And who is to say that their story won’t end much happier than the lament from Burmecia?

Dagger blinks and finds herself standing in front of the chocobo shack, not remembering how she got there. Mikoto is nowhere to be seen and neither is Eiko; they must have split up, must have given her something to do and gone about their own duties before they are ready to leave. Here she stands, a bit confused, a little clueless. What is she supposed to do here?

_You always did like to get lost in your own head_. She can almost hear his laughter, see his darling smile. Oh, how he used to tease her about it! Her lips twitch into the semblance of a smile and she lifts her gaze to the sky, unmarred by clouds. Birds pass over the small village, in the distance she can hear an owl hoot and the chocobo, still playing with the moogle and the Genome children, the air smells of herbs and forest and freedom and hope.

It’s so peaceful that her heart starts to ache a little again.

But then she tears her eyes away from the sky, notices the fragrance of the herbs once more. Herbs! That’s what Eiko told her to get. A triumphant smile on her lips, Dagger leans over the sacks with dried herbs that the Black Mages and the Genomes have gathered and digs through them, collecting a few of each. She remembers reading about these kinds of healing herbs back in the castle and then learning from him and Eiko and all the others, remembers him pressing a leaf to a mean cut on his arm right after their daring escape from the Evil Forest and how the cut had stopped bleeding by the time she was halfway capable of performing magic again. How little she had known back then! And now she kneels in between various herbs and collects them for another journey, maybe shorter but not less dangerous than her last one.

When she returns to the village square, a small bag filled to the brim with healing herbs in her hand, Mikoto and Eiko are already there, waiting for her.

“What took you so long?” Eiko frowns at her. Dagger shrugs.

“Got distracted,” she answers simply and Eiko, bless her, of course understands. Her expression softens and she nods before turning to Mikoto.

“Okay, we got everything, right?”

“Yes,” Mikoto nods. “It is time to leave now. Are you two ready?”

Ready? Are you ever ready to set out on a journey like this? Is there ever something you haven’t forgotten, ever something you cannot prepare for? Are you ever ready…?

Garnet doesn’t know. Neither does Dagger. But it’s her who nods and takes the staff Eiko offers her, her who steps onto her airship with Mikoto in tow, her who pilots them towards the once cursed, dreaded Iifa Tree, not more than a husk now, hollowed out with rot and time and the distortion of dimensions. She can feel it – in the air, how hard it is to breathe, how a horrible weight seems to lay on her chest, dragging her down and down. She stumbles, nearly trips over her own feet and it’s only thanks to Mikoto who helpfully extends an arm to balance her that she doesn’t fall on her knees. Eiko doesn’t fare much better, her normally tanned face has gone ghostly pale and she looks sick.

“The darkness…” the younger summoner whispers faintly. Mikoto nods.

“It seems like the distortion is reaching even deeper than I thought… it has reached down all the way to the Hills of Despair.”

She knows what that means. It can only mean one thing and it has only been two years but she isn’t prepared to face it again, has hoped she never would have to.

Necron.

“I don’t like this,” Eiko whimpers, clutching Garnet’s arm and sounding so horribly scared and vulnerable and _young_. She’s only eight years old, the queen suddenly remembers, so very young and facing this darkness twice in one lifetime is more than any of them have bargained for.

“Me neither,” she agrees quietly and hugs the younger girl close, trying to shield her from the dark thoughts, dark feelings, intruding into their very beings. She can feel the eidolons in her soul howl with it, anxious and weakened, creatures of the light screaming in the darkness that surrounds them. No doubt that it feels the same way for Eiko – possibly even worse, considering that one of her eidolons is Mog, after all.

“And yet, we must enter it,” Mikoto says evenly. The darkness doesn’t seem to affect her. Maybe because she hasn’t encountered it before or maybe because her soul isn’t that strong yet, Garnet doesn’t know. But her eyes look bigger than they usually do, more… human. “We must travel to its center and find out what has caused the distortion. I have an idea but…” She shakes her head, trailing off. Garnet swallows down the icy bile that has started to rise in her throat and suppresses a full body shudder as the darkness permeates around them in rivulets and ringlets, almost alive, as if the mist from back then has suddenly returned and taken a new form, eviler and darker and full of unspoken monstrosities.

She wants to ask if they even have a chance, two teenagers and a child, three mages one of whom hasn’t used her magic in two years, not even to heal a tiny papercut. Almost on the verge of spiraling down into another depressing thought process about being a horrible liability, Dagger takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders. No. She refuses to do this now.

He needs her. He needs her to do this, to come rescue him, begged her to. How many times has he done this for her, thrown herself in unspeakable danger? Has he not jumped after her when she was falling to her death? Has he not rescued her from the depths of despair after Alexandria has been destroyed? Wasn’t he the one who always, always stood by her side?

And now it’s her turn. She can do this. She has to!

So she takes another deep breath and a step forward, gently pulling Eiko with her, ignoring the way the darkness weighs on her chest. Her eyes are focused on where the misty black smoke of smoldering darkness is thickest – she can almost see through it but it is not the husk of the tree that she can see flicker through the black, even though that is clearly what is emitting the darkness. She sees flashes of light in the dark portal, fragments of memories and places she’s been to and places she’s never seen in her life, familiar faces and strangers, all jumbled together in the rift between worlds.

“This ends here,” she hears herself say before stepping right into the darkness, unthinking, knowing that if she stops to think now, she will panic. And panic has never helped anyone.

It feels like being torn apart and being put together at the same time, pieces of her very core being yanked here and there and knitted back again by invisible forces, pulling her into every direction at once. She feels sick with the sensation, her body and mind and soul vibrating with it and the eidolons howling in pain as they, too, experience the same. She can feel Eiko’s trembling body pressed against her side, freezing cold and burning hot at the same time, whimpering with pain and confusion and fear. A hand grabs hers but there is no time for panic as Mikoto’s voice says right into her ear,

“Be careful. We must not be separated or we will never find a way back.”

She clings to both other girls, fearful and confident at once, her emotions and thoughts scattered like lost sheep. Step by step, they walk through the darkness and watch themselves being destroyed and repaired again until the black around them is suddenly torn apart by jagged lines of colors. She gasps as she recognizes the ever rainy sky of Burmecia meeting the warm sunshine over Alexandrian plains, but the more jagged cuts cross through the darkness like scars, oozing colors like blood, the more confused she gets. She sees a blond man lowering a beautiful woman in a pink dress into a pond of glowing blue, watches a girl her age clad in blue and black frozen in what seems to be a machine, witnesses a boy who looks way too much like him disappear into glittering colored light as a teenage girl with brown hair smiles through her tears. Sisters with rose colored hair, holding hands. A young girl with green hair, looking up into a raging snow storm. Faces and places she has never seen and that yet seem to be so very familiar, like a far-off dream.

“It’s the dimensions that have been distorted,” Mikoto explains, her voice once again devoid of any emotion. “They all exist at the same time but now they have been jumbled and knotted, like multiple threads. We have to get to the center to unravel them or it will become even worse!”

As if on cue, the darkness explodes with voices.

“Squall!”

“Aerith?”

“Terra, no! Not my baby!”

“If you get lost, just whistle and I’ll come running!”

“Why, if all were so easy, none would suffer in this world.”

“Do you really think this is the way?”

“Whatever.”

“Can you hear it? The cry of the planet?”

“Luneth, no!”

“Get out of here, quickly!”

“Do you… love me?”

“I’ll always be by your side, kupo!”

“Serah… I promise, I’ll get you back.”

Her entire body seems to spasm at one particular voice, she can easily hear it even through the roar of voices, laughing and begging and screaming and talking all over each other. She could recognize this voice anytime, anywhere, has memorized the exact words and his tone. It was the first time she had seen him – he hadn’t seen her yet, too focused on the play and the plan – but she had seen him, had gasped at the intensity of his voice, at the burning of passion in his blue eyes.

“It’s him!” she exclaims and lets go of Eiko and Mikoto.

“No!”

“Dagger, no, come back!”

But it’s too late.

The second their fingers slip through hers, she’s falling, falling, falling through the blackness all around her, knocking against invisible edges that cut open her hands and legs with a burning pain. A scream escapes her suddenly dry throat and she feels hot tears prickling in the corners of her eyes as the icy wind from the fall sears through the open cuts.

The scream is cut off suddenly as she hits the floor, hard. The breath knocked out of her, she lies there for a second, gasping for air and seeing nothing but stars, pain exploding through her body and causing her to sob with it. The tears run down her cheeks and she sobs, gasps, moans, until she finally feels like she can move, even just a little bit. Leaning up on her forearms though, she regrets the decision to move instantly as white hot pain flashes through her left arm and her ribs. She cries out, new tears leaking from her eyes as she bites her lower lip and forces herself to wrap the stiff, aching fingers of her right hand around her obviously broken left wrist.

“Cure”, she whimpers miserably and chokes on another sob as the familiar coolness of the healing spell seeps into her skin, closing the break and letting the bone set. Even the small spell leaves her breathless, feeling horribly weak. There is nothing she can do for her ribs before she hasn’t gotten some rest – or an ether, possibly.

With a lot of effort – grunting with the pain of at least one broken rib – she sits up slowly, taking in her surroundings. Black, like the darkest of nights, the jagged flashes of colors showing faces and places have disappeared, just like the voices. Just like Mikoto and Eiko.

Garnet sobs again, this time with despair and shame. Mikoto told her to be careful! And she just let go of them and now she’s all alone, trapped in the distortion of worlds and dimensions, injured and with no idea where to go or what to do. She weeps like a small child, like she hasn’t wept in years, miserable and scared and all alone. She cries until the gentle voice of Ramuh cuts through the mess that are her thoughts.

**Courage, young summoner. Do not forget what I told you about the Eternal Darkness! You must not succumb to it!**

“But I don’t know what to do,” Garnet sobs, desperate. “Th-they’re gone and I can’t… I can’t do _anything_!”

**You can do everything** , Ramuh tells her. **Remember, if you continue down this path, you will find yourself lost forever, never to be found. Do not lose yourself now, child. You must choose the right path and right what has been wronged so long ago. Choose wisely, summoner, for a wrong step will lead to your damnation. But fear not, my child… We are with you. We shall protect you – but you must rise! Rise and fight!**

She almost flinches from the power in the eidolon’s voice. Almost. But then she can feel the stirring of her other eidolons, despite the darkness, lending her power. She can feel Ifrit’s flaming spirit and Shiva’s cool touch, Atomos’s deep breathing and Leviathan’s flowing strength, Odin’s galloping speed and Bahamut’s mighty wings – all of them are helping her, providing her with will and some semblance of determination that makes her search the small bag bound to her belt for an ether or a potion or anything, really. Her stiff fingers wrap around the familiar shape of a bottle and she pulls out an elixir, almost whimpering with relief at the sight of it. It takes some effort to open it but then the soothing, minty taste of healing elixir is running down her throat and she can practically feel her broken ribs mending, her cuts and bruises healing and knitting back together.

She remains on the floor for another few minutes – or maybe hours, it’s hard to say in the shifting darkness, thick and hot and cold – catching her breath because despite everything, using a healing potion such as this still hurts, no matter how magic it is. Then, slowly, she pushes herself upright into a sitting position, finally taking in her surroundings.

She has no idea where she is. There’s no trace of Mikoto or Eiko, no more flashes and glimpses of other worlds or strange voice talking. It’s eerily silent, only the sound of her slightly labored breathing in her ears, interrupted by rare hiccups, leftovers from the crying fit.

“If only…” she mumbles to herself, trailing off. Only what? If only she hadn’t been stupid enough to ignore Mikoto’s warnings about being careful? If only she had never agreed to come…?

No. Never that. Dagger shakes her head and wraps the fingers of both hands around the silver pendant, the piece of Alexander’s summoning crystal that she still wears, still turns to for strength. No, she doesn’t regret wanting to come. She knows that she has to help him, help the planet and, most importantly, help herself before anything can go back to normal. It’s just that she’s lost and alone and has no idea what to do or where to go.

_You do not belong here._

She gasps as a foreign, disembodied voice resonates through the darkness, practically echoing in the nothingness. The staff is in her hands before she fully knows what she’s doing, acting on instinct alone, as she quickly rises to her feet and looks around, prepared for a fight. Already her hands begin to glow with the familiar sparkle and light of an eidolon, ready to burst into this world and protect her but she forces it back for the moment and yells,

“Who is there?!”

_We are those who are gone._

_We cannot leave._

_We cannot return._

_We have gone and could not return and now we are trapped._

_As are you._

_You do not belong._

_You live._

_We do not._

_We are those who are gone and never returned._

It’s not only one voice that answers her but several. Speaking in the same disembodied echo that resounds through the blackness all around, whispers that seem to come and go like waves, quieter and then louder but never yelling. A sense of longing seems to underlie in them, an unspeakable sadness that she cannot grasp, cannot understand but feels it as intensely as if it were her own. And maybe it is, maybe the darkness and the rift are playing tricks with her mind…

_You do not belong_ , one of the voices repeats suddenly and a misty shimmer to her right makes her turn around so fast that it actually hurts a little. The shimmer swirls like the mist she grew up to be familiar with before taking the ghostly pale form of a woman – and Dagger curses in surprise (he would be oh so proud of her!) as she stares back at her own face.

For a horrible moment, she feels sick with vertigo and fear and so much she cannot name but then she realizes that, while their faces are similar, it is not hers that the ghostly woman looking at her possesses. But she knows this face, has seen it in nightmares and dreams long before she learned about her true origins.

“… Mother?” It is but a whisper that escapes her numb lips but the ghostly woman looks at her with a sad smile.

_You have grown so much since I last saw you_ … The woman’s lips don’t move but Garnet can still hear her voice, clear as the Crystal itself, resonate through her head. Jane is nothing more but a ghostly apparition, wearing the dark cloak she last saw her biological mother in, her lower body disappearing into the same misty shimmer that she first appeared as.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, astounded and confused and still wary. Jane shakes her head a little, white shimmering locks of hair falling into her pale face.

_We are trapped here. All those who have gone to the Other Side once… with the cycle of souls disrupted, we could not return to the Crystal. We were trapped in the in-between, wandering and lost. The Iifa Tree’s destruction should have freed us but now we are trapped once again. Death itself is holding onto us. We cannot return to the Crystal as long as the darkness holds us here._

“There – there’s a rift between the worlds,” Dagger explains, trying to grasp that she is facing the ghost of her deceased biological mother, the woman who saved her life from Kuja all those years ago and paid with her own life for it. “It must have affected the flow of souls… And the Crystal, too. I’m here to close the rift, once and for all.”

_All alone?_ Jane looks surprised, her form flickering uncertainly.

“No. I was with friends but… we got separated.” She can feel the blush of shame creeping into her cheeks, making her face feel hot and flushed. Her hands grip the staff a little too strongly.

_The darkness plays tricks on those whose hearts are not focused._ The apparition floats closer, one hand outstretched as if wanting to touch the young woman but then letting it fall back to its side again. _You are troubled, child. We can all feel it. Your anguish called out to us._

“I…” She doesn’t know what to say. How do you explain any of what happened? How do you speak of the grand adventure she set out to two years ago, not knowing what she was going to face, of falling in love so hard it turned her world upside down and then righted it in a way she has never  thought possible? Of losing sad love and herself and now being trapped in a black hole between worlds? Teeth gritted helplessly, she looks away. How can she ever put all of it in words?

_We cannot help you with your troubles_ , Jane’s voice interrupts her musings. _They are yours and yours alone. But we can guide you from here, to where your friends await._

“You can do that?”

_We shall leave you to the center._

“The… center?”

_It is where she is trapped. Where all of them are trapped._

She wants to ask who exactly is trapped at the center, what the center is, how they will get there – but Jane already flickers out of existence, only a cloud of silvery mist where her image has just stood seconds before.

“No, wait!” Her voice is shriller than she would like too, almost a shriek. “Don’t leave me, please!”

_Do not worry, child. We shall lead you to the center._

_The center._

_You are not alone._

_You never are._

_We shall lead you._

As if on cue, and who knows, maybe it is, maybe all those souls her mother spoke of really are trapped here in the darkness and want to help her now, a myriad of tiny lights appear in a straight line before her, leading deeper into the darkness but clearly lighting up a path. She bites her lip, unsure of what to do, the two parts of her mind torn.

Garnet just wants to stay here, not take a single step more into the darkness and risk falling even deeper. Dagger wants to go on, to return to her friends and finish the darkness off once and for all. And both of them desperately just want to save him and bring him home where he belongs.

In the end, it’s not really much of a decision at all. Yes, she is scared, but she also wants to return to his arms. So there really isn’t another choice but to grip her staff tightly and step forward, following the lights deeper and deeper into the unknown, through the eerie silence of the blackness around her.

As she passes the lights, flashes of memories appear in her mind but they pass before she glimpses more than some distant faces, like faded paintings, forgotten and lost and yet still visible. Pity rises in her for the souls who got trapped outside the cycle of souls, for thousands of years, because of Garland and the Iifa Tree; she can’t imagine how dark and lonely it must have been, first being channeled into the almost dead cycle of souls of Terra and now trapped between worlds, like butterflies in a spider’s net. Because what else were the roots of the Tree if not an intricate web with the Tree sitting on top like the biggest, fattest spider, leeching off the life of their planet to give it to another, dying one.

This particular mental image is followed by a cold shiver. She never liked spiders.

Taking a deep breath and shaking the thought of spiders, Dagger marches on. Sometimes, she hears faint whispers but she can’t understand any words, images seem to pass her by but none so clear as the tears in the dark that made her fall in the first place. She wonders about who the people that she saw are, whether they are safe or already suffering from the effects of this rift between worlds. She hopes that they are alright, wherever and whoever they are.

A sudden roar to her left startles her so much that she almost drops her staff but recovers at the last second, pure instinct kicking in – a year of constant fighting, always being on guard that she may have forgotten but her body hasn’t. She throws herself to the side, just in time to dodge a huge monster that comes barreling straight for her. The scream of terror she wants to let out turns into a sharp gasp as she slides across the floor – so dark, as if it isn’t even there but there she is, on one knee and gripping her staff before it can fall out of her hand – and her attention focuses on the attacker.

The monster is a familiar sight, no matter how much fear it strikes in her heart. A behemoth. One of the creatures they encountered in Memoria and, on one particularly memorable occasion, in that arena underneath the weapon shop in Treno. They had made her go, telling her that it would be good training, ignoring her terrified and wide eyes and her violent headshaking. That’s what friends are for, apparently – pushing you to lengths you weren’t know you were capable of going. But she was. No matter how scary the monster had been, her facing it alone with naught but her staff and her eidolons, she defeated it, emerging victorious from the pit to where her friends waited. She remembers getting uproariously drunk that night and falling into his lap giggling and blushing and his soft, warm smile as he held her.

It’s enough to spark her fighting spirit once more.

She can feel the crackle of lightning at the tips of her fingers as she dodges another attack, rolling out of the way as if no time at all has passed since that day in Treno. Then, before the behemoth has a chance to turn around and barrel towards her again, she’s already summoning Ramuh and the violent storm the brings forth from inside her whips around her hair and nearly blows her off balance but she remains crouched in her defensive position, ready to move when necessary. Lightning races through the darkness, shocking the behemoth and electrocuting it, making it roar and shriek in pain. Its violent red eyes focus on her as it whirls around and comes at her with its horns aimed at her midsection and she knows that if it hits her, she will be dead.

But she’s prepared. She waits until the last possible moment and only then turns away in a sharp pirouette that her dance instructors back at the castle probably would be proud of. The beast roars in anger at having missed her again and she is already gathering the mana inside her to channel it into a blind spell but then the behemoth is moving again and she barely has time to jump out of the way. Her concentration is of course shattered and it doesn’t help that one of the horns rips open her left side, making her newly mended ribs explode with pain again.

She grunts as the attack makes her lose her footing, causing her to fall to her knees. The monster is already charging again and she lifts one arm as a protect spell pours out of her fingertips, clutching at her injured side with the hand not holding the staff. If this continues…!

The protect spell catches the brunt of the behemoth’s attack but she still feels the impact of it colliding with the shield, can feel the vibrations run through her bones and blooming with pain in her injured side. She can feel the blood seeping through the material of her blouse and whispers a quick cure spell before rising to her feet once more, already concentrating her power again for another attack. She won’t give up, not like this!

Another roar shatters the eerie silence but this time, it isn’t the behemoth. It’s Bahamut, breaking forth into this realm and roaring fiercely. The king of dragons rises up in the air, beating its powerful wings, and opens its mouth to shoot a giant fireball at the behemoth, igniting her adversary’s violet fur and setting it ablaze instantly. Shrieks of pain and the stench of burnt flesh fill the darkness until suddenly, in a flash of light, both the eidolon and the burning monster disappear, leaving behind only the faint echo of screams. For a moment, Dagger remains on her feet, breathing hard with adrenaline and the exhaustion from the unexpected fight, before her strength suddenly leaves her and she drops to the floor, curling up slightly and holding herself as if she might fall apart any second.

She didn’t expect a fight, not here. And especially not all on her own! But here she is, her shirt torn and bloody, the blood already drying on her fingertips and while the wound is no longer bleeding, it still hurts and she blinks away the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Sweet Ramuh, this could have gone terribly wrong… She’s lucky to be alive.

Sending a quick and silent prayer of thanks to her eidolons, she makes herself sit up again and inspects the wound. It isn’t too deep and doesn’t seem to have hit any vital organs but she can’t leave it the way it is. With a deep breath, she gathers her mana once again and pours it all into a curaga spell direct at the wound. She can feel her magic draining out of her as the wound closes up, leaving behind a faint pink scar, weirdly bright against her pale skin.

All around her, the lights of the lost souls flicker back into view, having disappeared during the fight, scattered like fireflies. They seem to gather around her, almost dancing, as if wanting to express their worry and relief that she still lives. Faint whispers echo in her mind and she nods gratefully. While she still can’t understand any words, she can feel their sentiment just as well.

“I’m okay,” she assures them and uses her staff to stand back up. It’s no lie – she’s tired and a little exhausted by the intense and sudden use of her magic but she feels good enough to continue her way. So that is what she does, with the lost souls guiding her way again, step by step by step.

The behemoth doesn’t remain the only enemy she has to face. As she continues her way through the darkness, she’s attacked by other monsters but luckily, none of them startle her as much as that first encounter has. When she feels her magic being almost depleted, she quickly drinks an ether she finds in her bag and when she gets too tired to walk, she downs a potion and marches on. It’s probably not the healthiest way to wander around – but she doesn’t have time to rest.

She’s wasting enough time fighting already, not to mention her own stupidity that led her to being lost in the first place. There’s no way she’ll stop somewhere and risk a nap when any second now, she could be attacked by the next monster! So she doesn’t rest, doesn’t stop and continues walking until her feet barely even carry her and she sways with every step.

_You must rest, my daughter_ , Jane’s voice whispers in her mind but Dagger stubbornly shakes her head.

“No,” she huffs. “I have to get to my friends.”

_It is still a long way to go. You must rest._

“I’ll rest when I find them.”

_There will be no time for rest once you find them, child. There is so much you and your friends will have to do… so please, rest now. It will do you no good to keep going. We will keep watch over you._

She wants to continue. Really, desperately wants to go on. But her body is bruised and battered despite the healing potions and her healing spells and she knows that she needs to sleep at least for a few hours if she wants to fully replenish her magic. So she stops and sighs a little as the lost souls gather around her, almost cocooning her while she slowly sinks to her knees and into a horizontal position. The floor is cool against her heated skin, exhaustion already seeping through every pore of her being. The lights around her flutter and flicker like butterflies made of light, surrounding her tightly in a sphere of misty white light. She thinks of warmth and stars and the flicker of kindness in his blue, blue eyes as she drifts off into a much needed sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

When she wakes, it’s to the familiar warm light of the lost souls. She blinks and is confused for all of a few seconds until she remembers where she is and why she is here. She has no idea how long she slept; it could be minutes or hours or days, really, but at least she feels sort of rested and ready to tackle the rest of the journey to this mysterious center the souls are leading her to. As she gets to her feet, the small lights recede around her and start lighting the way again, some of them flickering close to her and some already dimming in the distance.

The march continues much like before she went to sleep; she walks and is attacked by monsters, heals her wounds and continues walking. Ages seem to pass by between the fighting and the constant darkness, even hundreds of thousands of lost souls not enough to light it up. By the time she’s starting to tire again, she’s lost count of the battles and the scars they left on her body and is almost out of healing potions. With a deep sigh, she reaches inside the small bag on her belt and fishes out the small pouch of healing herbs, taking one of them in her hand and twirling the small yellow leaf between her fingers. How much longer will she have to walk? What will happen if she runs out of ethers and potions and mana? Will she just wander the darkness forever until one of the monsters takes her out? Will she become one of the lost souls then…?

Her eyes wander over the lights showing her the way and a small, blue light in the distance. Blue? Since when are the lights of the souls blue…? She blinks and focuses on the blue light flickering in the distance. It’s different from the lost souls, much brighter, seemingly piercing through the darkness and she inhales sharply as she remembers.

Remembers the Invincible’s eye just above her, remembers the cold blue light of a dying planet, remembers the emptiness in his blue eyes after being told his true purpose.

But that isn’t the only time she’s seen this light; the vivid memory of Mikoto holding a small jewelry box with the same blue glow rises in her mind like the tide of the ocean, nearly sweeping her off her feet.

“It’s them,” she whispers and looks around frantically as if she could recognize her mother’s soul between all the glimmering and guiding lights. “It’s them, isn’t it?”

_We have spoken to them_ , Jane’s voice confirms. _They are waiting for you and showing you the way._

If she breaks off in a run, ignoring her own exhaustion, the lost souls do not comment on it. She races through them, the lights flitting around her, and the eerie blue glow from Mikoto’s jewelry box comes ever closer until she can see the other two girls, surrounded by the same lights she is, the Genome holding what appears to be a crystal in her hand that’s emitting the blue glow she followed here. Eiko is the first one to spot her, yelling her name and then speeding towards her and Dagger has barely time to brace herself when the younger summoner already launches herself at her, hugging her around the waist fiercely (still small and young and oh sweet eidolons, she shouldn’t be here with them) and yelling into her slightly torn blouse.

“You damn idiot, Dagger! Never scare me like that again! I swear to Madeen, I will kick your butt if you…!”

“I’m sorry,” she interrupts quietly, hugging Eiko back and sighing in relief at not being alone anymore. She glances at Mikoto who nods at her and then puts the blue crystal back into its box so the lost souls are the only things lighting up the darkness around them. Still, both Garnet and Dagger breathe more easily now that the glow has disappeared – it may have helped to find the others but still… too many negative memories are attached to this particular shade of blue.

_You are safe now_ , Jane’s voice echoes around them and the lost souls flicker a little. _The center is close. We cannot stay with you… we already spent a lot of energy to protect you this long, child. Beware the Eternal Darkness. Return what has been lost. Free her…_ The voice of her mother suddenly fades out of existence – as do the lights around them. One by one, as if someone is blowing out candles, the lost souls disappear in small flashes of light, leaving behind small swirls of white mist that sparkles a little until it, too, dissipates in the darkness. Mikoto is looking around, seemingly puzzled, as she clutches the jewelry box to her chest and then quietly says,

“I did not expect them… not like this. After everything Garland has done… I never thought…”

“It’s okay,” Garnet says with a soft smile. “They wanted to help. All we can do in return is try to reverse this rift, right?” Mikoto blinks at her, suddenly vulnerable and lost and confused before her normal solemn expression sets back into place and she puts the jewelry box away.

“Correct,” she replies, still refusing to use common speak and Eiko giggles a little at their exchange. Then she lets go of Garnet, punches her arm for good measure and looks up at her sternly.

“I mean it, Dagger. I will kick your butt if you ever disappear like that again.”

“Alright,” she nods, just glad to be back with them. “But first, you should probably kick somebody else’s butt for disappearing on us for so long.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Eiko says nonchalantly. “I know for a fact that the entire Tantalus troupe has set up a waiting list for those who want to punch him when he gets back. I’m second in line, right after Baku!”

“I am third,” Mikoto chimes in calmly, as if she’s speaking about the weather and not about beating up her brother. “It is apparently a sibling’s duty to be involved in punching, too.” Dagger can’t help it, she giggles. Mikoto’s indignant face as she uses the word sibling is enough to make her shake with peals of laughter, slightly hysterical after the stress of the past – what, days? Hours? The other two girls regard her with incredulous looks because they’re lost in some unspeakable darkness in a distortion between worlds and they don’t even know if they will ever find a way out of here.

That thought makes her calm down again and she takes a deep breath, apologizing quietly. The other two silently shake their heads in disbelief but don’t comment on her sudden outbreak, instead opting to continue walking. She follows suit, making sure to stay close so she doesn’t lose them again.

They continue to walk silently through the darkness. Dagger accepts the food Eiko offers her, munching on a piece of dried beef and thinking of what Jane said before she disappeared along with the other lost souls. Free her. Free whom? She knows only of two people trapped her and one of those she would prefer to never see again but… if it means freeing him, she’ll save both of them because she knows he would never leave Kuja behind. But Jane definitely spoke of a woman. A woman… who else might be trapped here? Maybe one of the people she saw from the other worlds? Maybe that young woman who was lowered into the sparkling lake, obviously a funeral rite… But she has no idea who that woman is or what their connection might be. Who else could be trapped here? Who…?

“The souls said that the center is close,” Mikoto’s voice interrupts her silent musings. “Can you feel it?”

“I don’t feel anything but this damn darkness,” Eiko grumbles and Dagger is about to agree when she can feel a tug somewhere inside her chest, as if a great force is yanking straight at her very core. The eidolons awaken all at once, swirling inside her mind in a storm of expectant power, and she may stumble a little from the force of it all. Eiko gasps and grasps her arm when she, too, must feel her own eidolons awaken and Mikoto touches a hand to her chest in surprise. It’s fair to say that Dagger knows next to nothing about the genome’s magic abilities but if she feels this, too, then…!

Another step and suddenly the darkness around them dissipates like fog, leaving them standing on a fiery hilltop. Heat flares against her skin, making it feel like she herself is on fire, at the same time as a freezing breeze chills her to the bone. She shivers and presses a hand to her mouth as she recognizes the place they’re standing in, the merciless heat and cold all too fresh in her memory, as are the faint whispers that seem to reach deep inside her mind, speaking of despair and death and darkness, eternal and overwhelming, as the world around them burns and freezes and she can feel her strength and resolve shaking, wavering, just like last time she was here.

The Hills of Despair.

She won’t ever forget this place or how they got here the first time, how they all fought together, how they won, against all odds. She shivers and clutches Eiko’s small, clammy hand as the little girl beside her looks around with a mix of surprise and horror. Oh how they all hoped to never see this place again! And yet, here they are, back where they stood two years ago.

“This place…!” Mikoto’s eyes are wide with terror and her slim body trembles from head to toe. Dagger turns to face her and gasps in shock when she can practically see the strength seeping out of the Genome. Darkness swirls around the younger girl as she shakes with fear and the whispers that tell her of the hopelessness of being, of life, of every form of existence. Only death. Death and eternal darkness, that’s what Necron wants and what this horrible, horrible place is trying to make them succumb to.

She grabs Mikoto’s shoulders with both hands and gives the Genome a shake, looking her straight in the eyes.

“Don’t listen to them!” Dagger yells furiously. “They’re lying! It’s not pointless! And you know it!”

“I… I have no… soul… I cannot…”

“That’s not true!” Eiko screams as she grabs one of Mikoto’s sleeves. “Of course you have a soul, you big dummy! You came here, with all the other Genomes, of course you have a soul!”

“I… I cannot…”

“Goddamn it!” Dagger almost sobs with despair and raises a hand to slap Mikoto across the face, hard. She doesn’t know how to get her to listen, doesn’t know how to tell her that’s it’s all a lie here, that life is never pointless, no matter how hopeless things may seem. She doesn’t know how to explain that this place gets into your head and fills it with lies until you despair and give up and stay here to die and give yourself over to the darkness, doesn’t know how to remind her that two years ago, eight of them nearly perished here if four of them hadn’t sacrificed their own strength to make sure the other four could go on. She’s not even sure if any of them has ever spoken about it, about how four lights have been snuffed out only for four others to reignite, about how for a short eternity, four of them have died and then returned when Necron was defeated and Memoria crumbled all around them.

But the slap seems to make Mikoto snap out of the fog of despair, making her stare at the queen with wide, tearfilled eyes that run over her pale cheeks in the next moment.

“It’s… I…”

“It’s okay,” Dagger promises, her own eyes getting misty with relief and she leaps forward impulsively to hug the Genome. “I know.” Mikoto shakes and trembles but she’s not frozen with terror anymore, instead heaving a sob and throwing her own arms around her to return the hug. They stand like this for a while, relieved and both crying, while Eiko clings to them too, and then they separate a little awkwardly.

“I’m… okay now,” Mikoto mumbles while looking anywhere but at the two summoners. “Thank you.”

“That’s what friends are for,” Dagger replies, not looking at her either and silently wondering when they became friends. Just a few days ago, she didn’t even like Mikoto. But then, a few days ago, they weren’t risking their lives together.

She keeps a close eye on Mikoto because despite what she said, it can’t be alright quite yet. Not until they leave this place. She knows from experience how it gets inside your head, how it will search relentlessly for even the tiniest crack in your resolve to make you lose hope all over again. By all means, she’s not immune against it herself – the whispers still echo inside her head but she forces herself to ignore them. They have a mission to focus on.

So she grips the hands of the other two girls and starts walking down the hill to the ghostly coliseum in the distance, through the fire and the ice and the all-seeing darkness that seems to watch their every step, only waiting for its chance to kill them.

When the first monster appears, Dagger is the only one who is prepared for it, pushing the other two girls out of the way and summoning Ifrit even before she consciously realizes she’s doing it. The monster evaporates in a cloud of darkness as the eidolon’s flames consume it but there is barely time to catch her breath when another monster makes its way towards them. This time, it’s Mikoto who yells out a warning and throws a holy spell at their attacker, only to be yanked aside by Eiko who is already summoning Carbuncle to save them from a blizzaga spell that another monster fires off.

It’s chaos. Pure, unadulterated chaos as they battle their way to the coliseum, dodging attacks left and right, firing off one spell after another. The eidolons’ roaring tears through the nagging whispers of the Hills as they get closer and closer to their destination, hordes of monsters being torn apart and yet still coming at them as if the gates of Hell itself have opened.

By the time they make it inside the coliseum, all three of them are covered in soot and blood and bruises, dizzy with exhaustion – both physical and magical. Dagger leans against one of the pillars and squeezes her eyes shut against the nausea that suddenly takes hold of her and when she opens them again, she can see that none of the monsters have followed them. In fact, the horde prowls outside the coliseum as if they cannot enter, their eyes glowing with madness and violence. She shivers and even though she doesn’t understand what’s happening, she’s grateful for the reprieve, however short it may be.

Running a hand through her sweaty hair, plastered against her forehead, she looks around and freezes when she sees what’s in the middle of the coliseum.

Where once Necron stood, huge and cold as a statue made of the finest marble, ready to kill them all, there now stands a huge crystal, glowing faintly blue but flickering as if it barely has any energy left to continue glowing. And inside… inside is the most beautiful woman Dagger has ever laid eyes upon, an unearthly beauty as big as the crystal, towering over them all, her hair the color of stars and the night sky, her skin green as grass and clad in swirling robes of what seems to be pure light that barely covers her seemingly pregnant belly that, at second glance, turns out to be a globe – a globe she only knows too well.

It’s their planet, blue and alive and filled with oceans and forests and mountains, nestled into the giant woman’s body like it’s a part of her very being. And maybe it is. Maybe…

“Gaia…?” she hears herself whisper because who else could it be? Who else but the metaphorical Mother Earth, the one the legends speak of, the very core of their small planet?

The beauty of it all makes her eyes water again, leaving her speechless in the face of the personification of their planet, beautiful and ethereal and so, so sad trapped in her crystal. But even her whisper seems loud enough in the silence of the coliseum and their Goddess opens her eyes, shining the same pure blue as the tiny piece of crystal Mikoto carries in her jewelry box.

She can feel herself getting lost in those eyes, ancient and wise and kind and so, so beautiful, before the Goddess blinks and smiles the kindest smile Garnet has ever seen. Her heart aches with it and she wishes she could just crawl into their Mother’s lap and be held by her, just once, cradled to her chest like the precious child of the planet she feels like at the sight of this smile.

“Holy moogle,” Eiko breathes next to her and she blinks, almost having forgotten that she’s not alone. Even Mikoto seems stunned and so, so touched, even if she was born on a whole other planet. But then, the blue glow of Gaia’s eyes cannot be unfamiliar to a Genome born and raised on Terra.

All three of them stare up at Gaia and she looks back at them, her gaze kind and loving and yet so sad as if she’s being torn by an unspeakable grief.

_My children. You came…_ The voice is magnificent, heavy with power and age, making Garnet shiver all over. She feels a warm touch against her soul, like a butterfly’s wing, soft and oh so gentle, and she knows suddenly that Gaia has looked straight into her heart and assessed everything there is to know about her – the queen, the runaway princess, the girl without a past and only the future before her, Garnet and Dagger and all that both of them are, all now visible to the Goddess of their planet.

_We do not have much time_ , Gaia continues without moving her lips or looking away from them. _With every second, I grow weaker. The crystal dims. My power has started to disperse into the worlds, causing your world to falter, to suffer._

“How do we free you?” Dagger asks hurriedly. She expected anything to happen when they reached the coliseum but not this. Never this.

_During the time of rebirth, a great power was bestowed upon the beings living in your world. A power so great, it was feared by many… and sought to be abused by others. My life force has been connected to this power, resting inside every living soul I have given birth to, cradled in my arms. You must return this power to me if I am to be free of my prison._

“What is this power?” Eiko demands to know, still as transfixed by the sight of Gaia as the other two are. “How can we give it back to you?”

_You must give up the pieces of power that reside inside you. One has already been returned to me… and another that should never have existed, created by Necron itself, has been wrapped around it, intertwined with me and the small glint of life that came to me willingly. This dark piece… it should never have existed. You must destroy it once you return your pieces to me._

“Pieces of power… and a dark piece created by Necron…?” Mikoto gasps. “You don’t mean… Trance?!”

_I gave the power of Trance to the souls I birthed_ , Gaia replies, the grief in her voice even stronger than before. _To protect them, to make them alive, to give them a chance to survive in the face of danger. But this last, dark piece… it should not have existed. It is what distorted the cycle of souls, what should have died but couldn’t because Trance was used to keep it alive._

She doesn’t understand anything. What does any of this have to do with them? Or… or him? But then it dawns on her.

He went back to save Kuja, on that day when the Iifa Tree collapsed. He went back to save the man who had used Trance to destroy another world, who shouldn’t even have been able to use Trance in the first place because… because he was incapable of emotions. But the despair and the fear of dying had overtaken Kuja until Necron itself had come to him and distorted enough souls captured by the Invincible to give Kuja the one ability he wanted to achieve.

“Wait,” she says and takes a step forward, her hand clutching the silver pendant around her neck. “You said another piece was already returned to you! Where is it? Is it…?” She still can’t bring herself to say his name.

_When the being owning this one dark piece of power was about to die, one of my children used its own power – my gift – to keep it alive. This is what caused the distortion, what trapped me and tore apart the cycle of souls. This dark piece must die. As long as it exists, my child will be trapped here alongside me… And soon, we will both die…_ Gaia’s voice fades away and the Goddess closes her eyes again. She looks sad and exhausted and Garnet suddenly notices that she seems to be holding something, a tiny figure afloat above her cupped palms.

His name dies on her lips as she recognizes him, so very small against the backdrop of the Goddess, eyes closed and glowing the same bright pink she is so familiar with from his Trance. She can see his hair and fur moving in the same breeze that seems to make Gaia’s hair and robes swirl, emitting power and this bright warm light that she thought she’d never see again, arms spread wide as if trying to embrace Gaia’s hands.

He’s so beautiful and she loves him so much that her eyes fill with tears once again.

It’s him and he’s real and they found him and she won’t leave until he’s safe back in her arms again.

“Sweet eidolons,” she hears Mikoto whisper. “It’s Kuja…” She frowns, wants to protest because it’s not Kuja, not the murderer of both her mothers – but then she sees what Mikoto means. Underneath the glowing pink Trance, there’s another figure, also familiar but far from as beloved. She can see Kuja’s feathery silver hair, tainted pink and blue from both the Trance above him and the crystal around him, can see his unmoving body float just above Gaia’s hands so he is almost hidden by her fingers.

She freezes on the spot as the meaning of Gaia’s words sinks in. She said that the dark piece of her power – Kuja’s Trance – must die. But taking away a being’s Trance is impossible, as if trying to separate mind from soul from heart, tearing apart their foundations and reaching inside their core, taking away the surges of emotion that define their whole existence. It’s impossible to take away a being’s Trance… unless you kill that being, snuffing out its light once and forever, destroying their soul.

Dagger grits her teeth as memories of her mother dying on a sandy beach resurface in her mind, of destruction and fire and terror at the sight of Alexandria being attacked, of Madain Sari being razed to the ground in a single blaze of hatred. She hates Kuja, hates what he did to her. A part of her wants to kill him, wants to strangle him for all the suffering he caused, for all the death and the destruction, for orphaned children crying in the streets and parents weeping over tiny corpses. She can already feel that intense surge of emotions inside her, just beneath the surface but…

But. Another part of her – Garnet, she suspects, not Dagger – is just so very tired of fighting. She doesn’t want to fight anymore, wants to just return home and be at peace, be with _him_ and maybe, possibly get married and start a family somebody. She doesn’t want to kill anymore, there’s enough blood on her hands already.

And he’d never forgive her if she killed the man he calls brother, no matter how fleeting their relation is.

“We have to do something!” Eiko decides suddenly. “We can’t just stay here, you heard her. She’s dying and Z… he’s dying too! So we gotta… we gotta…” She stops, bites her lips. Even Eiko understands what must be done, then. Garnet looks at Mikoto who regards them with a solemn look in her eyes, all trace of emotions gone, her face the same cold Genome mask she first saw on her.

“Are you prepared to kill him, then?” It suddenly dawns on her that this isn’t Mikoto not feeling anything. This is her feeling way too much and not being able to show it because she never learned how, surrounded by beings that owned neither souls nor emotions. This is Mikoto hiding all of her emotions behind the mask that she learned to wear.

“No,” she says decisively and shakes her head. “There won’t be any more killing. I refuse to kill anyone. There has to be another way.” Mikoto blinks at her, the cold and emotionless mask crumbling into an expression of surprise and disbelief.

“But Dagger…,” Eiko begins only to be interrupted by the older summoner.

“No,” she repeats. She can hear Eiko huff in frustration and she understands, she really does. But one look at the figure who took away so many things she loved and she just _knows_ that she cannot kill him, cannot become what he was and what she despises with ever fiber of her being. So what other choice does she have? Gaia said that the dark Trance Kuja had entered needed to disappear. She also said that she needed the power back that she bestowed upon them – Trance, again. But she hasn’t used Trance since the final battle with Necron, can’t even remember how to call it, like a scattered dream that she knows to be real but simply can’t recall completely.

How do you return a power you don’t know you have? How do you call forth a surge of emotions when all your emotions seem to have dimmed when the sun of your life disappeared on you? She doesn’t know. She simply has no clue but one look at the glowing white and pink figure of the person she loves the most makes her decide to try and if it’s the last thing she does.

“We need to use Trance,” she says, dimly aware of the fact that the silence has stretched for quite a while now, each of them lost in thought. Eiko’s face is tinged with worry, distaste and unhappiness at the prospect of keeping the man alive who took their village from them but she still hums vaguely in response to Garnet’s statement.

“I haven’t really used it, since…” The younger girl trails off and shrugs. “You think we can do it just like that? There was always a cause before.”

“There’s a cause this time, too,” she replies and takes a deep breath, once again focusing on his silhouette, pink and blue and oh so far away, cradled in the arms of a Goddess. “He’ll die if we don’t use it. All of them. And then we will die, too.” It’s not pessimistic but the grim reality; if Gaia were to die… She remembers all too well the eerie silence on Terra, the overall lingering sense of death and lifelessness and she refuses to let that happen to her world.

“I… I am not sure if I can use it,” Mikoto admits quietly and Garnet looks at her, sees again the lost teenage girl who puts on a brave face and has barely gained a grasp on how life works, what it is. “Emotions are… still so foreign to me. I don’t think we of Terra were ever intended to use it.” Her gaze wanders towards Kuja’s lifeless figure and she swallows. “I might make things worse.”

“It can’t get much worse,” Eiko huffs and hastily brushes aside some stray strands of violet-blue hair out of her eyes. “Dagger’s right, it’s now or never!” And just like that, her small body begins to glow hot white until she’s bathed in a column of light, all the colors of the rainbow swirling around her as power – beautiful and breathtaking and alive, so alive and full of determination and strength – surges up and around, chasing away the stray trailings of mist that cover the floor of the coliseum. Garnet gasps at the sheer intensity of it and tears spring into her eyes at the blinding brightness of it all but there’s also the bitter, painful pang of jealousy that makes her turn away.

Of course, of course Eiko wouldn’t have a problem to call forth her Trance, with all her passion and her liveliness, with the intensity she regards everything she encounters, of course all it takes for Eiko to slip into the familiar warmth of power is to think about protecting him and their world. Why can’t it be so easy for Garnet too? Why can’t she summon the power sleeping inside her anymore? Why are all her emotions dulled with pain and numbed? Why…?

“What’re are you waiting for, Dagger?” Eiko demands to know and Garnet looks at her, takes in her glowing form and breathes in the beauty of seeing the younger girl shrouded in light, her blue eyes burning with the power of her Trance, hair blazing bright green, her horn shining brilliantly white and her clothing a whirl of elemental designs of pure purple, the ornamental wings on her back grown in size and making her look positively ethereal. Garnet shivers from the intensity of the young girl’s gaze and takes a step back despite herself.

“I… I’ll be right there,” she replies, the lie tasting like ash on her tongue. But before anyone can call her out on it – Eiko’s blazing blue eyes narrowed suspiciously, Mikoto watching her with a slight frown and oh sweet Eidolons, they know, they know just how useless she is, can’t not know for it is all too obvious to see! – the coliseum and the floor beneath them shudders with what feels like an intense earthquake.

A surprised sound escapes her throat as she grabs for the nearest toppled pillar to steady herself. Mikoto does the same but Eiko – beautiful, strong Eiko – leaps into the air and just floats there, untouched by the tremors of the ground and the world around them, her face a mask of anger and determination so strong that it’s no wonder how powerful her Trance is.

A horrified, pained whimper echoes through the coliseum and it takes her a moment to realize that it’s Gaia who makes that sound but before she can react more than look at the trapped Goddess in alarm, tormented screams drown out the suffering of their Allmother. Garnet screams as the screeches of deep suffering and despair rip at her consciousness, clamps her hands over her ears and drops to the floor but there’s no escape from the torment and the suffering and the loneliness of Hundreds of Thousands of souls screaming at once.

She knows those sounds, has heard them once before. Tears finally spill over her cheeks, hot and cold at the same time and she gasps, stares up at the haunting figure made of cold marble and cruelty and the freezing grip of death. Fear is choking her and she sobs, hard, as she stares up at the eyes that suddenly open on the arches of the coliseum and the personification of fear and death itself.

Necron.

“You!” Eiko spits and the power she emanates surges even more, untamed by all that Necron embodies. Mikoto looks scared but not… not frozen in place like Garnet. She moves to Eiko’s side, her hands lighting up with the unique magic Garland gave his last genome gifted with a soul, her tail twitching nervously from side to side but she looks ready to fight.

And Garnet?

Garnet cannot move. She is frozen in place, by fear and despair and the screams of the souls around them and inside her head and the Goddess trapped in a crystal with the love of her life and the man she hates. Tears run over her cheeks, burning the skin of her cheeks as she sobs and just can’t seem to stop. She can’t remember the last time she has been so scared and felt so utterly useless and pathetic. The eidolons inside her mind are screaming at her to move, to call them, to _fight_ but it’s like there’s a wall between them and her. She knows they’re there but she can’t feel them anymore, can only feel the cold iron grip of Necron’s might, holding her heart in its vile hands and squeezing the last ounces of will out of her.

She cannot fight, cannot move or breathe and this is the end. There is no way she can call forth the power to help Eiko and Mikoto, no way she can return this very power to Gaia. No way…!

She’s falling. Her physical body stays where it froze next to the pillar, still crying and clutching her head trying to shut out the screams of tormented souls, but her mind is falling, tumbling, careening into the darkness seeping into her soul.

 

* * *

 

 

She is all alone, trapped in eternal darkness. She doesn’t remember who she is or where she is, only knows that she’s scared, so very scared. Hugging her knees tightly to her chest, she just lies there, floating in the nothingness, sniffling quietly. She’s small and lost and terrified so she screws her eyes shut, hoping that it will make things better – it doesn’t. She’s still scared and enshrouded in darkness.

A sob escapes her and she clutches her knees even tighter, her body a tight ball of fear. All alone, lost in the darkness, she can’t do anything but cry and sob quietly. But just as she thinks that her chest will cave in from the fear, a gentle touch on her shoulder makes her start and open her eyes.

There’s a beautiful young woman in front of her, with long and flowing black hair, her brown eyes kind but sad. She’s taller and obviously older.

“Garnet,” the young woman gently says. “You’re not alone. You never are.” She blinks at the stranger but refuses to uncurl from her position. Biting her lip, her voice small and young, she asks,

“Who are you?”

The young woman smiles and reaches out to brush away a strand of hair.

“You once called me Dagger,” she replies. “So that’s who I am.” Garnet stares at her, racking her memory for this pretty stranger and there’s a faint sense of recognition. Yes, she knows this woman.

“I’m sorry,” Dagger says and wraps her arms around Garnet’s much smaller body. A child’s body, she realizes belatedly. It explains the faint tickle of hair on the back of her neck, the way her limbs won’t quite listen. “I shouldn’t have let it come to this…”

“To what?” Garnet asks, confused. She lets Dagger hug her and unconsciously leans into the warm touch. It feels familiar and safe but she’s still scared.

Dagger lets go of her just enough to look into her face and shakes her head ruefully.

“You and I were never meant to be separate people. But… I couldn’t stop it. After he was gone, I couldn’t… You were slipping away, tangled in grief and memories and I was too weak to hold onto you. And now, it has come to this…” Garnet blinks at her and uncurls from her protective position a little, just enough to rest comfortably against Dagger’s body, cradled in her arms like the small child she is.

“I don’t understand,” she admits, looking at Dagger’s sad face and searching for answers to questions she can’t remember. “Who are you?” Dagger smiles a little and replies,

“I am you. Or… rather, the part of you that was lost when he left. You remember him, don’t you?” Garnet is about to ask if Dagger means her father but hesitates. It doesn’t feel like she’s talking about her father but rather somebody else. Somebody important. She frowns a little, trying to remember who Dagger might mean.

She remembers blue eyes, shining with mirth. Blond hair, sandy gold in the sun. A grin, brilliant in the darkness. But most of all, she remembers a deep feeling of love, of safety and comfort and… loss. She gasps at the sudden pain in her chest, heaving with sobs as she cries and clutches at Dagger like a lifeline while the older girl holds her.

“It hurts,” she sobs. “It hurts so much!”

“I know,” Dagger soothes, stroking over her back and her head, a pillar of safety and light in the surrounding darkness. “I know and it’s okay. It’s supposed to hurt. But you can’t lose yourself in the pain, Garnet. Not anymore. He’s right there and we have to fight, okay? We need to. You need to stop hiding, please!”

“I can’t!” She shakes her head as more sobs wreck her small body. “I’m so scared! And it hurts!”

“It hurts because you’re alive,” Dagger says quietly and flinches when Garnet shrieks,

“Then I don’t want to be alive!” They both freeze at that and Dagger stares at her, shocked.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I just… I want it to stop hurting,” Garnet whines, desperate and still crying. “Why won’t it stop?”

“Because you separated yourself from me… If we want to save him, save everyone, we need to become one again. Garnet, please. Time is running out. You can’t let this happen!”

“Why don’t you do it alone?”

“Because you and I are supposed to be one. We need to be if you ever want to feel whole again. You can’t continue living as just one half of yourself. And I can’t… I can’t do this on my own, I’m too weak!” Dagger’s kind eyes are full of tears, too, threatening to spill over her pale cheeks. “Please, just let me back in. Please. I need you, Garnet…” Garnet trembles all over and – just nods.

She’s scared and broken and she just wants to feel whole again and Dagger looks like she wants just the same, so… so maybe this will make things better. She doesn’t want to be alone anymore, doesn’t want to go back to the darkness. And Dagger makes her feel safe and warm and if she can only keep a fraction of that when they’re one again, then Garnet is alright with this.

Dagger looks at her, wide-eyed with surprise and relief, before closing her eyes and letting the tears spill over her cheeks. When he opens her eyes again, they’re shining with gratitude and happiness and relief and Garnet gasps a little.

_Thank you…_

Warmth floods into her body, filling her out from head to toes, into the very tips of her fingers and what seems like every hair on her head. A breath of air escapes her parted lips as she relaxes into it and closes her eyes, feeling Dagger’s arms around her fade away. But her presence stays, warm and reassuring and glimming like hope, safe in the cage of her ribs. She presses both hands against the beacon of warmth in her chest and _opens her eyes_.

 

* * *

 

 

She gets thrown back into her own, grown body with a gasp and is suddenly aware of the sheer noise surrounding her. The eidolons are still screaming at her to fight, the lost souls are still moaning with pain and the blood rushing in her ears is so loud it threatens to drown all of it out.

But she can breathe. For the first time in two years, she can breathe properly. She rises to her feet, slowly, her gaze locked on the cold marble figure of Necron, still towering over them, dangerously close to the crystal and moving ever closer, ignoring all of them as its attention is focused on thetrapped Goddess.

“Dagger!” Eiko’s voice rings out through the noise around, followed by Mikoto’s,

“Don’t you dare touching the crystal!” It’s directed at Necron who is steadily moving towards the crystal, undeterred by Eiko’s trance or Mikoto’s magic. And Garnet… suddenly knows what to do.

The anger surges through her, hot and encompassing, but oh so welcome after years of numbness. She lets it wash over her, welcoming it and can practically feel Dagger smile inside her mind as both parts of her soul seem to settle in the onwash of emotions. The same white hot light that has cloaked Eiko now touches her, embracing her and filling her up with the power Gaia gave her children, a scream of rage tearing itself out of her throat. She can feel her body transforming – her skin taking on that familiar pink glow, her clothing shifting until it’s barely covering her anymore, the swirls of power and magic etching themselves onto her legs and her hair shining a brilliant gold – and when she opens her eyes again, she herself is emitting that light, just as strong as Eiko’s and just as bright.

Something like a sigh escapes her as she realizes that she finally, finally feels _whole_ again.

She lifts one hand and doesn’t even think about the Protect spell she wants to use but just _uses_ to shield the crystal and Gaia from Necron who gets thrown back a few steps by the barrier she just conjured and whirls around to face the three girls, its dead black eyes blazing with hatred and locking onto them.

“You won’t touch them,” Garnet declares, her voice even and emanating the power that she can feel bubbling inside. “I won’t let you destroy any of them!”

**_And who are you to stop me, little mortal?_** Necron taunts. **_I am Death and Void and I will always exist._**

“Maybe,” she counters, Dagger’s strength and bravery making her look up at its unmoving face. “But we’ll also always fight back!”

“Right!” Eiko seems to have recovered from the surprise of seeing her falter and then rise to her feet again. Her trusty flute in her hand, she stands straight and proud like the very picture of life, glowing with her Trance. Garnet steps next to her, taking her place between the younger summoner and Mikoto whose hands are shrouded with magic, her hair flowing in the static flow of magic all around her.

Two summoners and a lone genome, facing off the very personification of death. It should be impossible and maybe it is. Maybe they will die fighting Necron this time. But one glance at the lone figure glowing pink in Gaia’s hands and Garnet just knows that she can’t give up now. Not anymore. Not when she’s finally whole again and Dagger and her can finally be one and fight back.

She’s determined to defeat Necron or die trying, just like she was two years ago.

For a second, time seems frozen as none of them moves. The calm before the storm, as even the tormented souls seem to stop screaming and an eerie silence stretches across the coliseum. And then, in the blink of an eye, the world erupts into a fight.

Flames seem to lick at Garnet’s feet as she leaps into the air, carried by her Trance and Eiko’s quick Float spell, summoning her eidolons. She releases them all at once and they break out of her body, materializing in this world with the roar of an army. Ramuh and Ifrit, Shiva and Odin, Bahamut and Atomos, side by side, blasting their attacks in a whirlwind of energy and magic. Her hair whips around in the wind, no longer trapped in the confines of her hairband, but she is too focused on channeling her power into the eidolons.

At the same time, Eiko fires off spells faster than should be possible, the atmosphere alight with white magic and Necron’s angry screeches. It evades some of the attacks but gets hit by others as it pauses to summon its own magic, raining it down on the two summoners and the genome, the latter agile like a cat and weaving in and out of Necron’s view as she uses spells that Garnet vaguely recognizes from their last battle against Kuja, so long ago.

United, they are strong, almost impossibly so.

But Necron isn’t the personification of Death and Void for nothing. Its magic blasts them off their feet not just once, burning and bruising. Garnet gets hit by one of the rings floating around the creature and crashes into the wall of the coliseum. Pain explodes in her body as she hits the hard stone and she can hear her eidolons scream in rage at her injury. Eiko’s spell is still holding her afloat but the tingling in her body is a telltale sign for the magic fading away, waning in the face of the prolonged battle.

But she can’t give up. They’re the only thing standing between Necron and Gaia whose strength is already failing if the flickering of her form is anything to go by. A faint whisper of the Goddess’s voice echoes through Garnet’s mind but she can’t hear anything over the roar of the battle and the rush of blood in her ears. She blinks away drops of sweat and blood running down her forehead, gasping as the cool rush of a Curaga spell runs through her, cast by Eiko. But there’s no time to be grateful so she pushes away from the wall that broke her fall – and possible some bones, judging from the numb tingle in her ribs, already being stitched together by the healing spell – and throws herself back into the battle, once again, sending her eidolons to attack Necron.

She can feel her grasp on the Trance slipping, though. Her body can only take so much of the divine energy running through her bloodstream and she knows that it won’t be long until it fails, until she’s bled dry by the constant use of magic.

They’re nowhere near winning. Between the three of them, they barely manage to make a dent on their enemy, no matter how powerful their combined attacks are – it’s still nothing against the united strength of eight warriors, back in the day, battle-hardened and sharing their energy between them. Back when Gaia wasn’t failing and could sustain herself…

Understanding is a sharp feeling of relief washing through her as she turn her head to look at the Goddess, still flickering in and out of existence. If she could help them, then…!

“Eiko!” she yells and manages to evade a devastating attack that destroys half the wall behind her, stone crumbling and crashing to the ground in a cacophony of sounds. “You have to focus all your Trance energy on the crystal! It’s our only chance!” Eiko – bless her and her intelligence not to question anything said to you during a battle by an ally – shoots her one quick glance before looking at the crystal and screaming for Mikoto to give all the mana she has left to the crystal, obviously understanding what Garnet means.

Both of them, beautiful and bright and bar any doubts in their minds, do exactly as said. Eiko’s Trance fades away into a ball of white hot light, teeming with energy even as she returns to her normal form and Mikoto wilts like a flower as she relinquishes the last of her power, a swirl of magic power rising from her body to form another ball of light, this one pulsing with life and the deep red of Terra. Garnet herself takes a deep breath and lets go on her grip on her own Trance, listening to the sounds of her eidolons evaporating like mist in the morning light. One by one, they return into her soul, warming her from inside even as her power leaves her, the glowing light of her Trance concentrating into a faint orange light.

For a moment, the three balls of light just hover above them, unmoving, as if unsure of where to go and what to do now that they’re free, before shooting up and swirling around each other in a maelstrom tugging at clothing and hair. The maelstrom roars with power and magic and then, just as the roaring becomes almost deafening, gets sucked into the crystal in which Gaia is trapped.

It starts glowing. Faintly, at first, then brighter and brighter, a blinding blue light, so much more powerful than what they saw on Terra, the very core of their planet lighting up with the power that their Goddess once gave them and chasing away the darkness that Necron is emitting, leaking black like oil into the world.

**_Impossible!_** , Necron screeches in Garnet’s mind and she whimpers at the loud noise booming through her exhausted body and practically vibrating with force. ** _She was already dying!_**

Garnet slumps to the ground, the Float spell finally wearing off as Eiko and Mikoto fall to their knees too, exhaustion all too evident on their faces, tinged grey with fatigue. At the same time, the crystal’s glow become so bright that it seems to disappear and then, with an almost earsplitting shatter of broken glass, it finally shatters, freeing the Goddess trapped inside.

She’s beautiful. There’s no other world for the otherworldly ethereal being that is finally free of the confines of the crystal, powerful and awake and filled with righteous anger that she directs toward Necron.

_It is not yet time for my children to fall into your hands, Eternal Dark_ , her voice echoes through the coliseum, making Necron moan and writhe. _Begone, creature, lest I destroy you completely!_

**_You cannot destroy me!_** , Necron’s voice booms back, so full of hatred and anger that Garnet can feel it pressing down on her almost physically. **_I am eternal! I am Death!_**

Gaia doesn’t respond to that, instead just straightening up to full height, towering even over Necron itself. Her hands, still cradling two genomes, begin to glow with the same blue light that the crystal emanated and in a flash of light, accompanied by the screams of tormented souls, Necron is gone, banished to a place only Gaia knows.

Silence stretches across the arena, suddenly filled with peace and light. Gaia slowly turns her head to look at the three prone bodies on the ground and a smile, so beautiful it makes Garnet tear up, graces her lips.

_You saved me_ , she whispers, aware of the power behind her voice, now gentle and soothing instead of angry and terrifying. _If it were not for you, I would be no longer. Know that the gratitude of a Goddess is eternal. I am indebted to you… but there is one more thing you must do._ She lowers her head and then herself, kneeling down to gently lay the two genomes in her hands to the ground.

The Trance faded, both of them look deathly pale. Garnet swallows at the sight of that beloved face, suddenly feeling weak all over again. She shakes it off but only barely, rising to her feet and wobbling slightly.

_They are dying_ , Gaia explains, a trace of sadness on her beautiful face. _And I can only save one of them. It is up to you to decide who as neither of them are born of me._

“But the Trance…” Eiko protests and Gaia inclines her head in a soft nod.

_Yes. It was the last Trance I granted as I was already growing weak from the distortion of the cycle of souls. Now, it has finally returned to me but with it, his life is withering away, tainted by the dark Trance that Necron created. He has taken too much of it to save his sibling. Now, both of them will be lost if nothing is done._

“Well, that’s easy!” Eiko says. “Obviously, we choose…” She falters suddenly, staring at Mikoto. Garnet follows her gaze and is surprised to see the utter heartbreak on the genome’s face. Mikoto’s eyes are shining with tears as she regards both her brothers – if not in blood, then definitely in the way they were created – and a storm of emotions is raging behind the sheen of tears. Garnet has no doubts that Mikoto wouldn’t protest either choice, believing herself not worthy of making this decision since she, too, isn’t born of Gaia. But it is also obvious that either choice would break Mikoto’s heart.

Garnet blinks and looks down at Kuja, taking in his appearance. He looks positively dead already, barely breathing, wounds littering his lithe body and painting the white of his clothes – now grimy and torn – a patchy dark brown where the blood has dried long ago. She licks her lips, cracked and bleeding a little, and thinks back on how she decided not to kill him, not to pay back what he did to so many others.

She still stands by it.

“Isn’t there another way?” she asks quietly before looking up into Gaia’s eyes, old and wise and gentle. “Isn’t there a way to save them both?” She can feel the other two girls staring at her, obviously surprised at her resolve at standing by her decision from earlier.

_Is this what you want, then?,_ the Goddess asks. _Saving them both?_

“Yes,” Garnet says, quiet but even.

“I… yes,” Mikoto agrees after some hesitation, her voice wobbly and hoarse. Both of them look at Eiko who is chewing on her lower lip and clenching her hands into fists.

Garnet isn’t the only one who lost Madain Sari to Kuja’s wrath, not the only one on whose shoulders the entire fate of their tribe rests. She would understand if Eiko refuses to save Kuja, wouldn’t blame her for it. But Eiko – sweet, beautiful Eiko, last daughter of Madain Sari – surprises her by taking a deep breath and looking up at Gaia, saying,

“… I want to save both of them, too.” The Goddess looks at the three of them, dwarfed by her huge body. And then, like the sun breaking through a dense blanket of clouds, a smile lights up her face.

_Then you have passed my test. Well done, my children. I will save them both but know that it will take time. A year of your lives. That is how long I will need to restore both of them. That is, if…_

“If what?” Garnet asks with bated breath. Her heart beats so fast it almost hurts, hitting her ribcage and seemingly trying to flutter right out of her chest.

_The energy you have returned to me was only enough to free me. But if you really wish to save them both, you will have to relinquish it completely. An exchange, of sorts – their lives for the power I have bestowed upon you. That is my price._

No more Trance, for either of them? Garnet blinks but it’s not a decision, not really. One look at his beloved face and she nods,

“Take it, then. If that’s what it takes, I’m giving it back to you.”

“Me too,” Eiko agrees. Gaia nods at them, moving her right hand gracefully like she’s parting a curtain. And Garnet – she feels something in her chest disappear, something she didn’t even realize was there until it fades away. Its place is almost instantly taken up by her eidolons but it feels strange, different, clearly not quite fitting into the hole left behind by her ability to use Trance.

She will deal, she decides. It’s a small price to pay in exchange for her love to live and to return to her.

Judging from the determined look on Eiko’s face, she’s come to the same conclusion.

Gaia breathes in and out, a cool breeze ruffling Garnet’s hair, a taste of peppermint in the air. She feels refreshed, despite the tingling of loss in her soul.

_So be it. Your Trance will be what heals their bodies and minds._

“What about my magic?” Mikoto asks. Gaia regards her thoughfully and replies,

_Are you willing to give it up so that I can vanquish the piece of power Necron has tainted them with?_ _Will you give it to me, to give me the power to take away this dark piece of Trance?_ The genome swallows, hard, but then nods.

“This magic isn’t what makes me the person I am. I have no use for it, now that we have lost Terra. Please take it.”

_Very well._ The Goddess’s smile grows. _Then so be it, dearest children. I shall save these two and remove that which should never have existed. The exchange has been made._

Next to Garnet, Mikoto suddenly loses her footing and it’s only hers and Eiko’s quick reaction that prevent the genome from falling to her knees, weakened by the loss of her magic. Between the two of them, they support the blonde girl who mumbles her gratitude, too exhausted and weak now to stand by herself.

“I will be alright,” Mikoto reassures them with a faint smile. “This is nothing in exchange for their lives.” Garnet nods and looks back at Gaia who watches them in return like a mother her child.

“What happens now?” Garnet dares to ask as the Goddess gently lifts the two genomes again, cradling them on top of her pregnant belly.

_I will send the three of you back to your world. Your kind – the living and breathing – do not belong here. I will then take my place in watching over the cycle of souls again, returning all those lost between worlds to where they belong… and I will heal these two, as promised. Within a year, they shall return to you. Now close your eyes, sweet children… Return home._

There’s still so much Garnet wants to ask, like how exactly Gaia will heal them and why it will take so long and whether or not the lost souls that helped her out of the darkness will really finally return to the cycle of souls. But her eyes are already drifting close, an unspeakable fatigue taking over, washing over her like the waves on the shore of Madain Sari. She can feel herself falling but it’s not the same scary sensation from earlier when she succumbed to her fear; it feels gentle, as if the soft touch of a mother is slowly lowering her into a bed made of downy feathers.

 

* * *

 

When she opens her eyes, it’s to the bright sun of the Outer Continent. Somewhere close, birds are chirping and a seagull mews above her. She blinks, taking in the hard ground under her and the softness of fabric under her cheek. Lifting her head, she makes a soft noise of surprise as she realizes where she is; outside the Iifa Tree if the huge, towering tree in the distance is anything to go by. Except it doesn’t look like the Iifa Tree anymore – what used to be the hollow husk of a dead conduit created by Garland is now lush and green, looking nothing like the old tree but instead resembling the big oak trees lining the planes surrounding Alexandria, its leaves swaying softly in the wind that blows over the plains.

Mikoto and Eiko are lying on the rocky ground right next to her except the rocks seem to grow moss so quickly she isn’t sure she’s not imagining it all. Mikoto’s arm is still slung over Garnet’s waist and she herself was apparently resting on the genome’s shoulder, Eiko lying half atop them, sprawled like a starfish.

It’s so peaceful, all of a sudden, and she leans back into Mikoto, stunned by it all. She can’t remember a time when the world seemed so quiet and peaceful, so… right. But then, Gaia was dying for who knows how many thousands of years after Garland tried to assimilate the planet and join it with Terra. Their planet was dying and they didn’t even know and now that it’s back to normal, it seems foreign and beautiful.

Eiko begins to stir and lets out a huge yawn, stretching herself and nearly hitting Garnet in the face with one of her hands. She blinks and then sits up so suddenly that she probably gets whiplash from it, looking around frantically.

“What the hell?” she asks and turns her head to stare straight at Garnet’s face.

“I think it’s Gaia,” she replies and disentangles herself from the small pile of bodies. “She’s healing the planet.” Eiko lets out a whoop and throws herself at the older summoner, hugging her close and laughing.

“We did it! We did it!”

“We really did…” Stroking a hand over Eiko’s hair, she looks over to Mikoto who makes a soft sleepy noise before finally blinking her eyes open and taking in their surroundings.

“Did we…?” she asks and Garnet nods with a smile.

“Yes. It’s over.” Mikoto smiles that soft smile of hers, still not used to emotions but still jumping in surprise when Eiko leaps into her lap next and hugs her. The genome blinks, so very confused at the sudden physical contact, before schooling her features back into the soft smile and putting a hand on Eiko’s back, kind of hugging her back awkwardly but with happiness shining in her eyes.

It takes them a while to gather themselves and actually get up, all of them still weakened from relinquishing immense amounts of power and energy. They eat in the shadow of the Iifa Tree, cast by the sun setting behind it, before returning to the airships they left behind in what seems to be another lifetime. As her ship lifts off the ground following the small vessel Eiko commandeers, Garnet looks back at the tree and thinks of him, thinks of the promise of him being returned to her within a year from now.

She’s waited so long, she can wait some more. Now, at least, she’s whole again and no longer falling apart from the inside, having found herself and so much more on this adventure that turns out to have lasted a full three weeks, time flowing differently in their world than it did during their time in the rift. Of course, Steiner throws a fit once she returns to Alexandria and she listens to his tirade even as Beatrix smiles softly and welcomes her back.

She keeps in touch with Eiko and Mikoto both, letters exchanged between the three of them, and also makes an effort to write to her other friends. The letters for Amarant never seem to find him as there is never an answer but Freya replies regularly, promising to visit soon. The year demanded by Gaia passes quickly, suddenly and when Garnet awakens on the morning of her 19th birthday, she is surprised to find that her trip into the rift between worlds has been months ago.

What’s not surprising, however, is seeing his face as he throws off the cloak only a few hours later and she runs towards him, leaping into his waiting arms. What’s not surprising is how his arms close around her, hugging her to his chest even as she cries and hits him because how dare he make her wait so long. What’s not surprising is how, above the cheers of the crowds, just for the duration of a single second, Gaia’s smiling face appears in the sky, watching her promise fulfilled.

Garnet laughs and cries and, wrapping her own arms around her love, looks up at the sky, silently thanking the Goddess for staying true to her word and returning him to her, to all of them. A breeze gently ruffles her hair and she can hear Gaia’s voice drifting through the noise around them,

_Be happy, my child._

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: The Burmecian song Garnet thinks about is actually Siuil A Ruin by Celtic Woman (or rather, it's German cover Wilde Rose by Faun).


End file.
